The first thing to say is to allow yourself to feel it and name it. Know that what you feel is not who you are so don't ever feel ashamed.
I even told friends as I became braver "I love being out with you and the kids but I feel so jealous that I don't have this" There was nothing that anyone could do but it stopped the pressure cooker of jealous anger from simmering away inside me. (If you cant have that conversation then just say out loud to yourself "I feel jealous, I am not a jealous person")
There are no bad emotions. There are only unhelpful ways of dealing with them.
The second thing to say is that it does pass. Once you realise that you only ever see a snap shot of other peoples lives you realise that while they might have some aspects easier than you, they will also have their own challenges. All too often we compare our thoughts with the reality we imagine for others and not their actual life.
The last thing to say is that what we focus on becomes a spot light for our brain to look out for. Once I started obsessing less about what other people had and enjoying my slice of life (harder on the tough days granted), it did get easier.
I will say that this took YEARS and it wasn't a simple process of gratitude journalling at dawn and a yoga session in lycra but one day you will see a baby and the pain of jealousy won't be there. You will only feel the love.
If I could give some advice to the mum I was 16 years ago, I would say 'be patient, know that you are doing the very best you can and just take one day at a time. You're a good person, having a rough time'
Oh and if you want to start a gratitude journal and join a yoga class I'm all for it!
With love from Our Altered Life to yours, Charlie xx
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