Friends can drive you crazy, sometimes. You love them, care for them and can’t imagine life without them but maybe, there is one thing about each that you’d like to change, right?
Some may embellish stories, some not have the courage to stand up for you, others may support a different political party or, they may have a friend you can’t stand. What is there about someone we like and want to be around, yet a shortcoming, in our opinion, irritates us, and at some point we say enough, no more?
There is no simple answer and the older we get, the more friends we’ve had and lost, the more important this question becomes to us. I remember a story about eagles and rabbits. A management consulting firm was brought in to train supervisors to be more effective in their roles – the story of eagles and rabbits was the groundwork for the training.
We know eagles can soar the sky like no one’s business and rabbits are fabulous hoppers. One day, they were advised that in order to be better, the eagle needed to learn how to hop and the rabbit to fly. Not only was this futile, but because they put so much effort into doing what they were not equipped to do, they were too exhausted to do what they did best. The message? Support and encourage what each does best and manage what they could not do well. Sound familiar?
We may not have a choice about many things, like the color of our eyes, or our ability to hop. But we do get to make choices about many things. And, depending on our philosophy of life, these choices can lead to less dukkha/misery, or to more stress and anxiety. We not only expect friends to fit neatly in a package of our own design, but we do the same with ourselves. We layer expectation on top of expectation until the inevitable failure.
How often do we pause to consider how we judge others and ourselves? The Bodhisattva Dharmakara, Amida Buddha, concept embarrasses us all. This isn’t an easy standard to live up to, in fact, it is one of the hardest. But it does offer a path, like that of the eagle and rabbit. We can respect and accept what makes others, and ourselves, people we want to be with and manage what can’t be changed.
If we look at time from a distance, a great distance, there really isn’t a passing or failing grade for living this one life. Looking at time from a great distance we see cultural norms shift and change. The “come as you are” path of Shin doesn’t mean we withdraw, what is does mean is we have a choice.
Namo Amida Butsu.
In Gassho,
Rev. Anita
rev.anita.cbt@outlook.com
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