Receiving feedback can suck. But if done well, it can accelerate your performance and career. Here’s how:

1. Encourage people to tell you the truth

According to a Harvard Business Review survey, 67% of managers are afraid of giving feedback to their direct reports.

That’s wild. If your boss might be afraid to give you feedback, peers or direct reports are probably nervous too. There’s not much upside to tell you the truth if you’ll freak out.

🚫 Expectation: "People will default to telling me the truth about what they think."

✅ Reality: People default to being polite to avoid conflict.

---

2. Turn defensiveness into curiosity

It’s okay if your immediate reaction is feeling defensive. Just don’t act on that impulse. Take a breath & try to assume positive intent.

Ask for context on where the feedback is coming from. Otherwise, you might accidentally change an area that wasn’t the problem to begin with!

Try these phrases:
 
✅ “Thank you for sharing. I would love to dig deeper & better understand so I can improve. Could you share more on what I did or said that made you think that?”

---

3. Control your body language and facial expressions

This one is important. You have to physically look like you appreciate feedback.

🚫 Scoffing
🚫 Rolling eyes
🚫 Raising eyebrows

✅ Neutral or enthusiastic expression
✅ Unclench your jaw
✅ Take deep belly breaths

---

4. Create psychological safety

The last time you gave honest feedback, you probably thought, “Gosh I hope this won’t make things worse and they won’t retaliate...” Reward the other person for telling you the truth. How? Make it an emotionally positive experience so they’ll want to do it again.

---

5. Listening doesn’t mean you agree

You might want to jump in because you think, “They don't have the full story. I don’t agree with 100% of what they're saying.” But you can listen AND have a different point of view.

---

6. Read the room

Consider your dynamic with the person giving you feedback: power dynamic, level of trust, etc. You may want to share which parts of the feedback you agree and disagree with. Other times, it’s better to focus on listening. If the person might interpret your reply as defensive, save it for another day.

---

7. Take stock of how you're perceived

Even if you disagree, the feedback is a valuable data point. Why? Because *the way the person perceives you* is as important as your original intent. Perception is reality, for better or worse. If you know the perception, you can work on the actual issue AND the perception of it. Sometimes those are two separate things.

---

Feedback is a gift. What are other ways to stay open to hearing feedback?