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Q. How did you first get involved in Shidduchim?
A. I think everyone dabbles in shidduchim from time to time. It's certainly a mitzva to help Yidden find their zivugim. The first shidduch I made was with a widower and a divorcee. I didn't even know that they were supposed to give "shadchanus gelt." At the chassunah, someone mentioned that it was a segulah to compensate the shadchente. I received one American Dollar from each side! The second shidduch I made came a while later. The son of a friend of mine actually had the idea, but felt it would be more effective if a mature woman would make the suggestion and actually "work" the shidduch. I agreed to try it and B"H all went along smoothly until the culmination in marriage. I received a respectable check for shadchonus gelt this time. But it wasn't until my youngest child was in shidduchim, that I realized how difficult a process it could be. My older children met their zivugim "one, two three" and they were married. My little daughter, though, expected her search to go as quickly, but somehow it didn't. It took us three years and 126 suggestions later to find her basherte. After her marriage, twelve years ago, I realized what an avodah finding your zivug could be. I silently decided that whenever someone asked me to help with a shidduch, I would. About nine years ago, I took a fall and broke a bone in my foot. I had to take a leave of absence from my job and to keep me busy, I decided to attend the Lubavitch Women's Convention in Boulder, Colorado. Even though I was still hobbling around with my foot in a "boot" and a quad cane, I attended the convention and was inspired by a presentation on Shidduchim on Sunday morning. That was the beginning of my official designation as "shadchente."
Q. What Shidduchim do you specialize in?
A. In the beginning I didn't really have a specialty, but as the years went on and the numbers of requests became overwhelming, I decided to concentrate on "older" singles. Young men and women who were over 30 and men and women in their 40's, 50's and older! I shep a lot of nachas from the older marriages!
Q. What advice do you have for singles in the Parsha?
A. I have two opposing philosophies:
1) When searching for your zivug, keep looking for what you ideally want. It's essential to keep your priorities in order and not to compromise your important values. He should have good midos, be a yirei shomayim, get to minyan on time each day, have a set learning schedule, etc. She should have emunah, be mekushar to the Rebbe, love children, want to have an open home, etc.
2) Be ready to let go of some of your fantasies, in order to be open to finding the right person. Does he really have to be 5'10" or taller? Can I be open to a Sefaradi? Does she have to be a size "zero" to qualify as a good wife and mother?
I think it is important to be "open" to ideas that might not have occurred to you when first entering the shidduch world. I remember one profile that impressed me very much. A young woman wrote her "requirements" for finding her life partner. But after listing the ten most important qualities she was looking for, she stated: "And if you happen to meet someone who doesn't have any of those qualifications, but you think he might be for me, please send him my way!"
Sometimes, the most unlikely ideas work! After all, it is the Aibershter who is making these shidduchim and we are only his shluchim!
Mrs. Abramowitz can be reached at yehudisabramowitz@gmail.com
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