There are two newsworthy stories in the world of tennis right now:

1. The U.S. Open is happening here in New York City.
2. Serena Williams announced her retirement from the sport.

These events have me reflecting on my less-storied tennis career.

I played on the high school team, and as with most things in life, a hierarchy existed. Singles was a rung higher than doubles, and within those categories, team members faced off to determine their respective rankings.

I was partnered with a fierce competitor—one year my senior—on the 1st doubles team. In our final year playing together, we lost only one match the entire season.

It was clear to me what was happening. The coach thought I was a better player. He wanted me in the 1st singles position, and he kept giving me opportunities to earn it. He even raised the stakes by making the loser run laps, but still, I couldn’t beat my friend.

I reflected on this experience as I aged and gained a better understanding of myself. This is what I realized: I'm not a competitive person. Beating other people isn't thrilling for me. It leaves me feeling a bit conflicted.

That’s likely what got in the way during those qualifying matches. I didn’t want to lose, but I didn’t have a pure desire to win either. Some ambivalence crept in acting as a saboteur to my success.

This dynamic was at play off the tennis court too.

In my professional career, I observed colleagues competing for performance ratings, salary increases, and promotions. Many of them demonstrated the ferocity I saw in my doubles partner that led to our 13-1 season record.

In contrast--when I was a chief of staff managing the annual performance review process--I asked HR if I could give my 1/1 rating to a colleague I thought was more deserving. 

HR said it wasn’t my decision to make, and my therapist—when I relayed this story—didn’t say anything. She just shook her head in exasperation.

I’d like to believe I wouldn’t act against my own interest in that way now, but I won’t ever know because I left that world behind. I’m no longer competing with team members. 

In my roles as leadership coach and psychotherapist, my success is predicated upon my clients’ success. Elevating them elevates me, and that’s one of the reasons these careers are so well-suited to me. 

What used to inhibit my success now enhances it.

• How well do you know yourself?
• What aspects of your job fit you, and which parts make you feel like you’re squeezing into shoes that are too tight?
• Like Serena, is there anything you'd like to retire from?

As summer fun is winding down--and the busyness of the holiday season has not yet begun--there's no better time than now to ask yourself these questions.

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