Except, I’m not in my cage

I’m free. Having a smashing time, frolicking around in the rainstorms of most Irish Decembers, trying to remember what the sun looks like.

I was actually having a lovely Christmas and all. Eating food, drinking wine, searching for my cat in shopping centres. It was wonderful. And then I get a message to send my December update. 

Couldn’t just let this one go could you?

Couldn’t just let me have a few weeks off from my cage?

But Rob, surely you’ve taken no time off since you started writing the final Spark City book? Surely you don’t want us to start emailing you with constant abuse about deadlines and demands for a release date? Because if you aren’t working, we will let our feelings be known.………

Never mind. I said nothing. Just keep going. That’s it. Scroll on.

Truly, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you the happiest of new years to come.

I have so little to update you with. They gave me little to work with here. A blank sheet in fact with “something about a recap of the year- be nice.”

I replied with my usual email.

“But I hate them

-yours sincerely Rob.”

Not sure they were overly impressed. They never are.

Anyway, most of you I don’t hate. Just the ones who prefer to message me about my cat instead of letting me know how much they adore Spark City. Oh no, it's all about the cat. I sometimes look at that enormous fuk and just resent how more famous he is than me- I really do. Honestly guys, I like him and all, but he’s a cat. So therefore he’s an asshole. 

Well, I’m rambling, aren’t I?

Kind of like most of my books!!! WOOOOO!!!!!

Self mocking witty high fives all round!!!

Where was I? Oh, yes, New Years. Ugh. There have been better years for most of us. Many of us just kind of sat around unable to live our lives the last year…again. I was at least lucky that I had writing to keep me distracted. It wasn’t fun, but it was distracting. That is something. I suppose, just getting through this shitty time without going a little crazy is a victory in itself. So fair fuks to us all. Hopefully things will improve. Or we will get better at dealing with it.

Here’s to distraction.

(And a legendary segway.)

Anyway, I just want to thank you all for the incredible support once again you have shown me this year. It’s a lonely life as a writer. Just me in my little dark room with daunting blank pages and depthless self doubt as company. Every time you guys take a moment to write a review, send me an email, not post about my asshole cat, or you know, stand outside my bedroom window blaring a jukebox with Peter Gabriel in the middle of the night…I feel the love.

But really, as this miserable year comes to an end, have you asked yourself if you’ve done enough for ME? That’s right, look into your soul and search. Are you my number one fan? Could you make the top ten if Dave drops out over the whole yoga mat argument? (He’s not out yet but its not looking good.) 

Have you done enough to let everyone else in the world know great I am? (They somehow aren’t yet aware despite my shouting it regularly into the void.) 

Have you taken two mins from your day to leave a review on Spark City? Have you taken two mins from your day to leave a review on every book that you’ve read of mine? Have you ACTUALLY bought every book of mine? WHY HAVE YOU NOT BOUGHT EVERY BOOK OF MINE? Have you bought SEVEN copies of every book of mine? 

Why not? Dave did all of the above and its still not looking good. Fuken Dave…

I actually have no idea what I’m on about even more than usual.

I’m going to be honest, it is New Year’s Eve and I’m trying desperately to fill my word count. Once I hit the number I can go play on the swings or can even pick up Days Gone on PlayStation for the third time this year and continue to kill zombies on motorbikes for a few hours until the clocks ring in 2022. I live an exciting life.

I shall enjoy this festive period, for soon after I shall return to Spark City and really go about fuken some shit up.

I think I’m still only about a quarter in. Or else a fifth. I dunno. It’s a monster. Its hard to keep track of these things. But I can tell you I’m killing people here, there and everywhere. They’re all probably bad guys… probably.

Think that’s it. In reply to a few of the mails, no, I wont be filling my future updates with photos of sir Derp The Cat. And no, I absolutely am not close to a release date announcement for Actions of Gods. AND NO! I AM NOT WORKING ON ANY OTHER BOOK BUT SPARK CITY BOOK 4. (Although I crave to climb aboard the Fighting Mongoose so bad.)

Providing no serious problems, Spark City Book 4, Actions of Gods, will be out in 2022. And then I’ll be done. Free!!!

Right, I’ve hit my target. Of course there is a 14 gig update for Days Gone. I’m not going on the swings either. There’s a load of kids in the playgrounds and I don’t like the look of their suspiciously runny noses. Instead, I’m going skateboarding for the first time in about 30 years. Wasn’t much of a skateboarder back then either, but I’m confident that I’ll bounce just as well now as when I was 12.

Stay safe. Take care of each other.

Rob.

(With a cameo from ZimZam.)