my wonderful sycophants.

How have you all been this miserably hot summer?

Me?

I have been busy.

I have become a chef.

A terrible chef, but a chef nonetheless.

More than that, I have become a chef to one solitary patron, and she has a fickle taste pallet.

They call her Jan, I call her my slightly heavier than normal wife……

That’s right….

I went there.

I made a crack about my cooking making my wife heavy. And you know what, if you want to roll with that, stop reading now.

Although you’ll miss some wonderful news.

And I don’t mean about me discovering I’m about to be a dad for the very first time. And that my usual recipes weren’t quite enough for my goddess these last few months. Oh, no, it started with homemade milkshakes, waffles with avocado, and now its full on three course Mexican feasts with a little Chinese takeaway on the side.

At 2am in the morning…

Many fuken mornings….

You see, we live miles from anywhere, and she has got some crazy (short term) dietary restrictions, so I had to pretty much learn a fuk tonne of new recipes to quell the savage eating monster…

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… and it’s been lovely.

In all truth, we’ve been through the ringer the last three years trying to get where we are, with many a heartbreak along the line, I send nothing but love and hugs to any and all that have or are enduring this hell.

Much love, friends.

Anyway, because I need money to pay for food to cook for my wife who is now signed off work and on strike (and rightly so) from doing anything I have decided to sell my soul.

Trumpets blaring.

Anyway, it’s a blast of a read.

I know this because I had to read it again while writing Crimson Hunters 2.

Also, have you considered this clever ruse?

Sick of recommending Robert J Power books to your friends and them just not committing to buying a book?

Why not just buy it on eBook for them, at a massive discount…… and….

DON’T TELL THEM IT WAS ON OFFER….

They might even gift you a book in reply that costs far more.

This way, I get paid, they get a corker of a book, you look spit and shined for giving an unexpected book, and then eventually you get a much more expensive book.

It also works with potential romantic interests.

You gift them Crimson Hunters…. You will absolutely get laid.

Trust me.

And if it doesn’t work… it will eventually.

Seriously.

Would I lie?

Of course I would.

And I totally am lying now.

But what if I’m not?

Did you ever consider that?

Look, I’m not saying you should buy them the book and go up to them and ask “Great, you got the book. It’s not as good as Spark City, but it is still a cracker. Also… what are you doing later? Can I get laid?”

Don’t do that.

That my friend, is not playing the game. That’s kinda creepy… though kudos for the nerve.

You see, dear sycophant, you have to play it cool.

Play the long game.

Perhaps, buy them ALL my books if they like them?

Perhaps, tell them you know me…

Perhaps (to illicit an old joke) you could claim I sometimes leave references for you in the dedications…. You could call yourself Zim Zam… and we’ve been friends for years….

Lie to them.

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Okay maybe don’t do any of that.

But definitely buy them the book.

Anyway, I’m sitting here nearing the release date of Crimson Hunters 2: The Gathering of Fools. I have to be honest, I had a blast writing this one, and I’m so excited about charging into book 3 soon and just finishing the series outright… actually fuk me, while I’m here, why don’t I just go ahead and reveal the awesome new cover and all?

Or, you know, so I can buy better locks to my cage to continue to get some writing done in the years ahead. I see it now, me writing away with the lights off while the kid hammers at my door screaming for a milkshake and I’m just thinking “what the fuk was I thinking?”

Future good times.

Fuk me, I hope I don’t become uncool once the little fuk arrives.

I’m actually pretty cool, right now.

An idiot, but pretty cool.

I really don’t want to have uncool papa vibes…. but I’m not sure the absent neglectful dad is something I’d really be into either.

I don’t know.

It’s something to ponder.

Anyway, as though some sudden urge to write fast and release better books has taken me, I’ve cancelled any holiday and am now busy getting the notes ready for Crimson Hunters book 3.

But that’s not to say I haven’t been busy the last two months.

In fact, I wrote a little ditty of a secret thing, and that will be releasing very, very soon.

Full reveal very soon.

They’ve even said this secret project might release before Crimson Hunters The Gathering of Fools, (preorder today) releases.

Whatever could it be???????

You have no chance of knowing.

I didn’t know I was doing it until I suddenly started it and swiftly finished it.

Look at me suddenly hitting deadlines because I’ve a new mouth to feed, and I absolutely am not freaking out whatsoever.

Absolutely not.

Nope.

Definitely.

Ooh, ooh, a nice life update (apart from the responsibility crushing reveal from earlier,) but remember I moved house a while back and we moved to the sticks miles from anywhere else. Well, we love it here in Wexford, but it can be a little jarring, just up and leaving everything you’ve ever known, just to come hang out with cows and combine harvesters, and blissful silence (apart from rabid badgers, of course.)

Well, turns out, one of my oldest friends has moved twelve minutes up the road.

So obviously…. I have to move again.

Seriously though, this dude is great. We became friends years ago, when he’d come into my Blockbuster store as a little metal head 16 year old and me, a 19 year old grunger and we’d smoke cigarettes debating music, girls, alcohol and obviously Tarantino movies.

Years later, I used to hang out with him when he was a nightwatchman and we’d smoke cigarettes, debating girls, alcohol, games and sometimes books, but always Tarantino movies.

Those were the epic debates.

He managed to get me back into reading after I’d fallen out of love with it. He introduced me to quite the interesting fantasy novels (I’d been a massive horror fan before then). Long story short, I fell back in love with reading in those conversations, and when music fell out of love with me a few years later, books were waiting for me, and we all know the rest.

I seem to fall in and out of love rather easily, it seems. Might just mention that to the wife. She’s feeling really great about herself every time she looks in the mirror. I personally think she looks great.

Here’s one on that matter.

A little known fact, but when any men see another man walking his pregnant lady along the street, they immediately give the “did you hit that?” face, as they pass.

The father to be in question usually replies with a “Yes I fuken did… and it was hot,” type of nod to which passerby guy immediately returns with the “nice,” nod of approval.

It’s true.

Ask your man.

It happens every single time.

Anyway, it’s freaking awesome about my friend and his partner living so near. I have the dream house, and now I’ve got a best mate up the road to where I can escape to when life becomes too much.

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I realise this update means fuk all to any of you...

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You might be right.

But in my defense, I did finish my super-secret project last night and I’m as hungover as fuk.

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Anyway Luke, if you are reading, looking forward to poker night.

Right, I’m off to enjoy my silence for as long as I can.

Look after yourselves and each other.

Cheers

the ROB

Aka Zim Zam.