Making writing more human (2) - a great wee word to use
This is the second of two emails on how to choose better words - and each has a Tip. The previous email said: "Tip1: Replace abstract nouns with verbs", e.g. replace installation with the verb to install. This email has Tip 2, plus we rewrite stuff using both Tips.
Tip (2) - use the we word: to persuade bosses to spend £100k on a new bit of kit, we might write: “It leads to reductions in waste and improvements in quality”. OK, we don't know if quality improves by 1% or 100%, but no worries. Let’s rewrite it. First, we replace abstract nouns with verbs: “It reduces waste and improves quality”.
Better, but impersonal. So try this: “We reduce waste and improve quality”.
The we word makes it more human. We is great. Don’t say: “The situation will be monitored”. Who'll do that? A robot? Instead, say: “We'll monitor the situation”. In other words: “Leave it with us, it’s on our patch – trust us”. It shows pride, ownership, accountability, commitment. Plus it helps us avoid the passive voice. Study this:
“Waste will be reduced and quality will be improved.”
Yes, it uses verbs, not abstract nouns. Tick. But it’s in the passive voice. Which is impersonal and unengaging. Wordy, bureaucratic, robotic, plodding, self-important. OK, there are several valid reasons to sometimes use the passive voice - and one that's often bad: it avoids accountability.... politicians say: "Lessons have been learnt", but annoyingly never say who's learnt them.
But on most occasions, avoid the passive voice (or: the passive voice should avoided...). And use we.
Things that make you go Hmmm: this we Tip causes so much grief, people really object to it. “We’re not allowed to use we”, people tell me, “it’s too informal and doesn’t fit our culture”. Hmmm. “Look at”, I retort, “the motivational posters pinned on the walls of this room by your Comms staff – they use we, e.g. ‘We meet client needs’….”. Also, study your marketing literature – if any good, it uses we.
Or they say: “It’s wrong to write: ‘We reduce waste’ because we don’t… the new bit of kit does”. What?! These people who say this… when they hear: “Fancy a cuppa? I’ve boiled some water”, do they reply: “You didn’t boil it; the kettle did”?
There’s one other concern, but let's move on (if you want the concern, it's in the PS of this email). Here are two examples of the Tips in action – and both are based on real-life stuff.
Before: This report has been written to help your decision-making process. After: We wrote this to help you decide what to do.
It's easy to see the changes. We replace decision with the verb decide, we use we - and you, which is another good word to use. And we avoid the passive voice.
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