Hello ,

I am no expert in lecturing on relationships.

It's such a vast (and significant) topic that I find it perplexing often.

For that matter, I have no expertise in giving you gyaan or lecture on almost anything. 

I often tell people to consider me an explorer who just tries to describe/share various personal viewpoints about life. 

Nonetheless, I thought today's subject is worth discussing with people.

Let's go then.   

        The Idea      

I am in a relationship for the last 4  years (actually engaged now). The whole journey taught me a lot about romantic relationships and their nuances. 

Perhaps the most important thing I learned is the need to be at ease with yourself. 

The general notion is that people look for a partner when they wish to complete some aspect of their lives.

That's where the famous lines came from 'you make me complete'.

I know it sounds so romantic. But my view is a little different here.

I think only two individuals fulfilled and somewhat happy can build a long-term stable relationship.

Probably, one should first learn to live alone before starting to live with someone else.

The more confident you become living alone, the better you could cope up with your partner.

Ancient Indians used to leave their homes at an early age to live in a gurukul.

In gurukul, they learned from a guru how to conduct their lives in the best possible way. 

In essence, they learned to live alone gracefully from an early age (Brahmacharya).

Once a certain age crossed, they used to come back to mainstream society, get married, and conduct a family (Grhastya).

An empty cup cannot fill another cup. Only a filled cup and fill another. A sick person cannot take care of others. Only a healthy being can take care of others.

Similarly, an unfulfilled person should not expect to become fulfilled by being in the company of another person.

Your life's responsibility is in your hand. It is your duty to make it graceful. The presence of another fulfilled individual merely enhances your life (if everything goes well). 

Expecting another person will make your life beautiful is similar to expecting good results from a tutor without ever indulging in self-study.

You must first love yourself before loving someone else. 

Imagine if you have to live alone on an island for a month, can you manage everything by yourself?

Learn to cook, learn to clean dishes, learn to do household stuff. Learn as much as possible that would enable you to become independent. After all, earning money is not the only measure to be independent.

The more independent you become, the more dependable partner you would become eventually.

What's your perspective on this?

I would love to hear. 

Book recommendation

Attached by Amie Levine and Rachael S. F. Heller

For me, this is the best book on relationships. It goes deep about why people behave in a certain way in relationships and where this behavior comes from. If you haven't read this book, give it a read once. 

One video suggestion

The Three Requirements of a Good Relationship by the School of Life.

One quote

"I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together"

                                                                                  -  Lisa Kleypas


         

If you have anything else to say or ask, just reply to this mail. I will respond.

Until next week,

           Joy

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