The ramen was delicious going down— not so much coming up. I vomited it into the toilet and it vomited it back out at me. Both of us overflowing, I heaved into a spare Walmart bag, laughing at the absurdity. My husband, naked and plunging, looked at me with love in his eyes: “Can you please shut the fuck up?”

Sara Watkins is a full-time developmental editor, part-time author, and freelance collector of tiny, fat dragons—no one pays her to collect them, she just enjoys it.