In my life I have often made commitments to myself, to improve, to try harder and to do a great many other good things. But every time I seek these paths, inevitably I am hoping for the kind of change that will never happen before our Lord's return.
I long for the life of the world to come. But I always try to shoehorn in a perfect life here in the meantime. "This time it will be different."
Whatever that means!
I always return to square one: I am the same old squirrely sinner. The better the outside of my heart gets cleaned up, the more unexpected weeds I find sprouting up from within, (usually focused on making "me" better and not paying nearly enough attention to everyone else).
So, years ago I made a New Year resolution to swear off resolutions altogether, and I've been happier for it. I am constantly caught up in the cycle of my personal idols' fight to reassert themselves within. But I also am confident that I can call them out for the lies they are. My God is Jesus, the Merciful. He has paid for me. I cannot die now, and he is coming back soon.
Despair of the present is normal, but need not be trusted. The path of Christianity comes to you in the shape of a cross, which is the shape of your death.
Our Lord knows that day, that hour, and the number of hairs on your head.
When you meet the devil in a dark alley, you are not there to lose to him. He is there to lose to you, to cower and slurk away, tail between legs, to resume lobbing arrows afire with feces at you from the shadows. Not because of you, but because of the Name you bear.
Say it. Learn to speak it: "He is risen. You are paid for."
Your Great King cannot be overturned in his resolutions. His verdict on you is, "saved." You are not a dead man walking, but a dying man rising.
First, by faith alone.
Then, soon, in a singular moment, all that is you that breathes, once and for all, imperishable.
Like cold water on the hot face.
He won't be long now, anyway....
Until next time,
Be strong, and let your heart know courage.