|
Number 1 – I was living in a feral neighbourhood where the youth went batshit crazy all hours of the day and night. It was next to impossible to get any writing done with their hormone chanting antics echoing through the streets. Who knew I actually needed silence to write? Not me when we began renting in that hellhole four years go.
Number 2 – They started building an entire new estate behind my house. Yes, yes, that is just the same reason I gave already, but those diggers chugging, grinding and roaring all day every day nearly took my sanity. Not to mention those fuken low humming generators running at night. ALL NIGHT. EVERY FUKEN NIGHT!!!!!! EVEN AT CHRISTMAS…. (I’m having a few flashbacks here and it’s no enjoyable trip)
Number 3 - I nearly died!!!!!
Number 4 - Trying to buy a house in a housing crises. I’m not even going to joke about this one. If any of you are going through this, you have my good vibes. Don’t despair, you’ll get there. Eventually. Though, I shouldn’t really recommend it, whiskey is a suitable comfort after a heartbreaking day of bidding, only to lose out to a cash bid that came out of fuken nowhere. Especially, when you know those fuk’s are just buying a second home for their summer vacations. BASTARDS!!!
The next reason why it took me so long to finish Actions of Gods (in case you’ve forgotten, I thought I’d put a quick reminder.)
Number 5 - Adapting to a new life after a housing crises forced me and my wife and doggits and dickhead cat, down to the bottom of Ireland. At the start, those fuken sheep threw me. Not going to lie. Thankfully, I smeared a load of mint sauce along the boundary fence to ward them off should they cross the threshold. (They didn’t need to know I don’t eat sheep- don’t be fuken telling them either.) Day 280- still no sheep invasion, but the badgers are looking interested.
(Some of you might think like this. Some of you might be completely lost for the next one.)
Number 6 – I’m shit at hitting deadlines. I’ll do it. Okay. Just don’t tell me I HAVE to do it. Because then I won’t do it. But if you tell me you probably think I can’t do it, I’ll definitely do it. If you add that it’s perfectly fine that I didn’t do it, I’ll fuken do it twice as fast… fuk you.
Number 7 – You didn’t seem to raise an eyebrow when I claimed I nearly died. That’s actually a true story. Some of you might even know what happened. It’s a mildly alarming and terrifying story, and were I not already writing gold with this email, I’d tell it again. I probably will, but in the meantime a genuine warning. Just because a poodle bites you, doesn’t make you any less susceptible to horrible things happening. You get bitten, go to a clinic asap. Maybe don’t tell everyone it was a poodle.
Number 8 – My laptop died. That one was on me. I saw on a dodgy book site that Actions of Gods had already been completed by someone claiming to be me, so naturally, I downloaded the book hoping to save myself a fuk ton of strife and well…the virus that accompanied granted me a little time off while my IT crew put out the fires in my hacked personal life. Good times.
Number 9 – Spending waaaaay too fuken long on these mails. Like really, I’m better known for these fuken things than sailing high on top of the world book charts.
Number 10- My dad died.
Number 11- Actually, he died a few years before, but I still miss him. And he’s a perfect excuse for me not doing enough work at all…..
(“Don’t do the joke rob,” Rational Rob suddenly begged. He had an irritating voice. All the girls thought so, as well. He’d always been good with the ladies. Until he spoke that is.
“But I have to,” edgy humored Rob countered. He lived on the other side of Rob's mind and he’d been drinking whiskey, and was feeling frisky and confident. It was a terrible look to him. All the lads agreed.
“It’s in bad taste,” Rational Rob added, in that same tone. Fuk that tone.
“That tone is in bad taste,” edgy Rob wittily replied, cracking his knuckles ready to say the joke that most certainly was in bad taste. “I’m really funny,” he added in a slurred voice, believing in himself… which is always important, especially when about to say something in bad taste.
Rational Rob wasn’t impressed. “That’s not much of an argument, put down the whiskey. Have a nice glass of water instead,” he pleaded, rinsing the glass twice, before pouring a fresh glass of water. It was clear and pure like Rational Rob’s imagination. In other words boring as fuk.
“Gonna say the joke,” edgy Rob declared.
“You don’t want to say that joke… nobody will feel good about it at all… especially those who edit your emails and fear what you are going to say next,” Rational Rob shouted, slamming his fist upon the desk, like an absent god’s fist upon a continent and shattering it in half… or something.
“Gonna say the joke,” edgy Rob declared.
Rational Rob could see the madness in edgy Rob’s eyes. Soulful, drunken eyes with a little pretty bloodshot to them. Rather beautiful really. “Those eyes are probably why he got all the ladies,” thought Rational Rob and the glass in his hand quivered ever so. A telling thing, one might believe.
“Ah whisht, they know me by now. Moreover, the fans expect it,” Edgy Rob replied thoughtfully. “I can’t let the sycophants down, can I?”
Rational Rob drank the water and offered the glass again.
Edgy Rob poured a right serving of whiskey. It was symbolic. And deep. And meaningful. And not pretentious to use symbolism in an email.
“As you wish, edgy Rob… as you…hiccup… wish.”)
Reason 11 (part two) – If my dad was alive he probably would have told me to write quicker and I’d have been like “And then you’ll be proud of me papa? And then you’ll say you love me papa? Papa???”
Whoa, looking back, that last was perhaps just a little too close to home, (new home I mean, down here with the sheep and not up there near Dublin, where his ashes are.)
Anyway…
Finally the biggest and probably the most truthful reason it took me so long to write, was the stress about getting it right for you guys. That shit took its toll. Could you imagine if I didn’t land the ending? I still think about the ending of game of thrones. How bad must those two guys feel that it was hated so much. Money doesn’t come into it, if you feel a failure, I would think.
I am grateful for that final season. As if I wasn’t agonising over it already, it most certainly pressed home the importance for me not to drop the ball at the end. To stay true to the story. To fuken land it.
And three years later I did. I know this because you guys have told me online, in email, a few in person. Thank you legends.
On the other hand, as Actions of Gods took so long, Raven Rock was done in no time at all. Shows what a lack of anticipation can do to the mind crippling fear of expectation. Ps, if you STILL haven’t already picked up your FREE ebook copy of Raven Rock, you can do so here.
Looking back, for many of us, it has been a year of ups and downs.
Isn’t that usually the way?
I’m no different, but thankfully, I still have a smile on my face. Much of it down to the constant wonderful support from some of you guys. You all are truly amazing. I read every email you send in, every message online, and more recently, I’ve actually been making quite the efforts to reply to those demanding an answer. (Probably should have put that in as an excuse)
Seriously though, I’m so lucky to have you guys!!
|
