That’s still not true. I’m still out of my cage. I’m free of writing. And fuk me, it’s the worst.

Why?

Because I am bored. I’m on a complete break from writing and I don’t know what to do with myself. I made the mistake of mentioning that to my wife. And now I’ve to paint the sitting room. I argued against it, but my bullshit caught up with me.

Because it always does.

See, I made the mistake of about fifteen years ago telling her that my grandfather had a painting company back in the 60’s (that was my go to move for charming her, and it totally worked). This painting company was quite well respected and were the first company to paint the iconic Poolbeg Chimneys that famous red and white. If it sounds like I’m flexing, its because I am.

What???

You have a problem with the Poolbegs????

Listen you fuks, I know they are just chimneys. But they are cool. I don’t actually know why, but they are just real fuken cool.

Are we good? Can we get on with the story that has nothing to do with writing?

Anyway, he painted them the red and white first and they’ve remained that colour for many decades.

Look, I see you are not over this chimney thing, just fuken google them.

Take a minute, type in iconic Dublin chimneys.

See, they’re awesome.

So, I proudly told her painting ran in our family, not to mention my mom (even in her late 70’s) recently painted her entire two story house inside and out. Not a bad job either. These facts clearly impressed my wife, because as soon as we buy a house, my family legacy came back to haunt me.

Ugh, I know it needs to be done, and there is the promise of tacos waiting for me for when I finish.

BUT IT’S NOT FAIR I WANT TO GO PLAY ON THE SWINGS!!!!!!

Right, onto the actual update,

So, how is everyone?

Hope you all had a wonderful month eagerly waiting for word of the final book.

Well, I have yet another update.

We are so very close guys. So fuken close.

The edits are done and dusted. Its just going through its final proofread and then it is ready.

FUKEN READY!!!!!!!!!!

Ten years work, finally done. That’s it. My Magnum opus as it were.

So far the feedback I’ve received is ridiculously positive.

The words “brilliant” and “Best work ever” have been bandied around.

But what if they’re lying? I hear you ask.

Fuk you, I reply.

But really, if they are, as long as none of you realise it by the time you buy it (seven times over) I’ll have taken your hard earned cash. So that’s grand.

Expect a release date very very soon.

Really though, it is freaking awesome, my best work yet.

And seeing as it's about as long as two books, it's like two books that are my best work.

Or something.

Also, I wouldn’t mind being an Alpha reader this Christmas period. Or like the new year. Or in January. Sometime soon.

Sooooo, I really have so little to say this month.

Funnily enough, for once, it was actually not my fault this mail is so late as well. Since they who rule over everything have gained control of my finished manuscript, they’ve forgotten about little old me. They only care when I’m months late from deadlines.

Save that little bit of knowledge for when they’re asking about Ra….. oops, nearly let that something slip about a certain current work in progress. What could it be? Ravager? Raindancer? Rap battle, the final conquest.

Right, back to this nonsensical email, I asked last month if any of you all had any questions, and in an attempt to fill this email out over the next while, I’ll only answer one.

You wonderful legends sent in quite a few messages and I’d love to reply to them all, but I’m useless, so I’ll pick a nice easy one - for obvious reasons.

I can’t remember if you guys wanted to be named, so I’ll protect your anonymity by saying, this one came from Dave.

Dave wanted to know an actual question about Spark involving the Alphas- namely, where the fuk are the rest of them when all this shit is going down in Spark City? (Dave was far more eloquent in his wording)

Great question, and I’ll take this moment to reply with.

I’ve no idea. I’m a hack. Probably didn’t think this one through. Don’t ask again Dave, you fuk.

Next question.

Ah, just kidding. The answer to the Alpha query might very well be answered in book 4. Alongside most other queries you questioning fuks might have. I’d love to reply to all, but honestly, until its finished, I don’t want to have any spoilers. Unless you run into me in the pub. That’s when I drunkenly give away all my spoilers. And then wake up the next day and have to rewrite the entire ending. I bet that’s what happened for game of thrones.

For those still unsatisfied to wait, have you considered grinding through each previous book with a fine-tooth comb? You might pick up a few hidden things in what people say, or little things just left in, all barely noticeable. My favourite books are books that can be read numerous times. It is very much my hope many of you will finish book 4 and go back and read the previous books and discover a few Easter eggs, portents, in jokes etc.

Or not.

As long as you buy the books, I don’t actually care.

Right, that’s it.

That’s the message.

I think I’ll be hide in my shack a while and be bored, better that that actually painting our new house.

Fuk you, Jan! And fuk your house renovations!!!!

I’m enjoying my holiday!!!!!!!!

Spark City coming to an end very soon!

And it’ll end with a thunderous roar.

Take care of yourself guys.

And each other.

Rob.

PS, much love to Zim Zam.

PPS, she asked me nicely to do the room. She put on some Metallica and all.

It's what my granddad used to paint to back in the 60’s.

She knows me just a little too well.

Stay tuned to my socials for the exciting reveal of my paint job.