Think back.
What is your most embarrassing moment?
Mine.
Crying at school. I was 13! Not what teenage boys do š¬
At work, itās not failure people avoid.
Itās these gut-wrenching, high-emotion, embarrassing moments.
Some managers however do the opposite.
They use embarrassment as a tactic. Showing how clever they are and how stupid everyone else is.
Iām sure you are not one of those managers.
Even so, you can accidentally embarrass others without knowing it.
Long-time readers will know about the power of questions.
The best leaders ask great questions.
The problem.
Questions can lead to embarrassment.
- I donāt know the answer (and I donāt want to admit it)
- I donāt know what is meant by the question (and I donāt want to challenge)
- I know an answer, but itās not an answer the leader will want to hear.
This reduces the quality of thinking. It stops everyone from learning.
You can help reduce the embarrassment.
Use phrases like this:
- "This is a hard question, if you donāt know the answer, come back to me later."
- "If any of the questions are unclear or not useful, please do feel free to push back."
And when things get embarrassing, acknowledge the moment, don't hide it.
- āWell, this is embarrassingā¦I have an observation that might be hard to hear, would you like to hear it?ā
There is much talk about failure and psychological safety. Yet very little about embarrassment. But the more I think about it, really thatās what all of us want to avoid.
I could finish by asking for your most embarrassing moments, but I donāt want to embarrass you further.
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