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By: Rabbi Yossi Ives
Note: This article is for relationships that began in person—and now you’re figuring out how to keep that momentum going from afar.
Whenever possible, in-person dating is definitely preferable. Yet sometimes you can’t meet in person. Meeting over video or phone can help bridge that gap.
Some people do amazingly well on Zoom, while others really struggle. Some people are better at connecting by phone than in person. Many people find it harder to build a connection virtually.
Virtual meetings will not typically give you the same clarity, chemistry, or connection as spending real time together. Still, when real life makes in-person dates hard, video and phone are better than texting… and way better than letting the connection fade.
The “third less” principle
A helpful way to view video dating is as “one-third less”. In every respect, one should approach virtual dating as being no more than two-thirds of what a date would be in person. Some implications of this principle:
Shorter dates – If you would be thinking about a three-hour date in person, make it a two-hour date on video. If you are finding it a struggle, it is okay to ask to end the date earlier than you would consider polite if the date were in person. You could explain that dating via video is more challenging and that you are running out of steam. You can also agree ahead of time to keep the dates shorter for this reason.
Space between dates - A Zoom date might last about an hour, which often isn’t enough to maintain momentum over several days. Depending on circumstances and practicalities, consider shorter but more frequent check-ins. If you’d typically meet twice a week in person, with Zoom dating, you might meet more often for briefer conversations.
Expect to achieve less - The pace of progress is likely to be slower with Zoom dates. It often takes more time for conversations to deepen and for a strong connection to develop. More patience is required.
Treat difficulties as less - If a Zoom date feels underwhelming, try not to react too strongly. Virtual dates are more prone to lower connection, experience misunderstandings, or come across other challenges compared to in-person meetings.
That is not to say that you should not expect any progress, or that all issues should be ignored just because you are speaking via video. It’s more that everything should be taken with a grain of salt. For someone to react after a date with “I’m not feeling it” is questionable, but to do so after a video date is doubly so.
Please read the full article for lots of practical ideas for how to have the best virtual date.
To reach the author: Yossi@DateWell.org
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