March 21, 2022

Dear Reader,

Welcome Ecuador, UK, Mexico, Australia, Germany, Denmark, Philippines, Canada, Switzerland, Brazil, Spain, Italy and the USA.

While I hope we will soon be joined by many more people around the globe, I'm liking the cozy feeling we have now.

Some of you have been supporting me since TSLP first dropped in 2008. Some since Matthew Quick first dropped in 1973. If you found my work more recently, you are also highly valued. Thanks for being here with me today.

So. The big question.

There are multiple complicated reasons why I got off social media and kind of disappeared after publishing The Reason You’re Alive in 2017.

It wasn’t you; it was definitely me.

(I didn't completely vanish. I quietly did a lot of screenwriting work for a few years.)

I’m going to tell you everything. But it’ll take some time. Probably months. We’ll get there before We Are the Light publishes on November 1, 2022.

Promise.

For now, mine is a story about writer’s block, anxiety, sobriety, introversion, Jungian analysis and a midlife quest for self-knowledge.

My analyst says I’ve been in a chrysalis. This is me finally starting to break free.

To be honest, it’s a little scary. I’ve been fighting very hard to cast off old non-beneficial strategies, which means I have needed to relearn how to do pretty much everything using new, more helpful mental software.

I'm trusting you to be patient with me. I know you will.

I have done a lot of failing in the past five years. It sure wasn't much fun for Alicia or me, but true education seldom is. There were times when I didn't think I was going to make it through my dark period. But I can see now that everything was necessary. And the struggle produced what I feel is my best novel yet. I'm hoping my time away might ultimately also produce the best version of me.

Many of you received an email invitation to join us here today. I sent that out to hundreds of contacts—fans, librarians, friends, teachers, booksellers, event organizers, podcast hosts, former students and colleagues. Right before I pressed send—in my living room with Alicia rooting me on—I froze.

What if I was about to annoy hundreds of people? What if everyone was mad at me for disappearing? What if people rejected this new me?

My analyst and I have been talking a bit about turning fear into love.

So I tried to be brave. I tried to remember all the hard work I'd done over the past few decades—what had earned me all of the many email addresses. I tried to remember that most people want to love—if only deep down inside—and are therefore often understanding.

As my finger hovered over the send button on my laptop, Alicia yelled, "DO IT!"

I stabbed the keyboard and hundreds of emails deployed. My wife did a little cheer and I panicked for a long minute before I stood up and paced.

But then—almost instantaneously—all of you began to sign up for the monthly personal letter. And I started receiving wonderful e-mails from teachers who are using my work in the classroom. Librarians sent me photos from events I had done in the past. A fan sent a shot of a Leonard-Peacock-inspired tattoo featuring a quote from the novel: "WEED YOUR MIND." An old teaching buddy warmly texted, "Welcome back."

It wasn't you; it was definitely me.

We Are the Light is about a lot of things, but it is mostly about the tiny little ways in which we save each other. It's also about how we too often cut ourselves off from love because we are afraid. And it is my hymn to the life-saving importance of breaking away for a time.

I was overwhelmed by your response. I have a hard time knowing how to respond individually to most of what came in. For now, I am going to respond here. On the twenty-first of every month, I'm going to bring my full self. I hope you will continue to follow along. Feel free to share these letters with anyone and everyone who might need them. I really appreciate your help spreading the word. Thank you.

Next month I'm going to talk more specifically about love, the writing life, and the little woman with a big heart who is usually typing away in one of the rooms below my second-floor office.

Okay, friends.

Until the 21st of April 2022, please remember that wherever you are in the world, whatever your current battle may be, your man in Coastal NC is sending you good vibes. Always.

_________________________

MATTHEW