Am betting dollars to donuts this photo reminds you of times you saw a car taking up two spots, especially when the lot was full. Or what about a full lot and you see a car about to leave and you pull up to wait, and wait, and wait… Remember your feelings, your thoughts? What about the feelings and thoughts of the driver of the parked car?
One way NYC drivers found a spot on a residential street was to slowly follow a person walking jingling keys in their hand. In the past it usually paid off after a few minutes. They’d get in the car, start it up and leave. If they didn’t leave right away, they were either waiting for someone else, or they didn’t want to give up “their” spot to a car that was waiting for it.
An article in The Atlantic had the title: People Really Do Take Longer Leaving a Parking Spot When You’re Waiting For It. This 1997 study found that if the waiting car blew their horn, well, forget that spot. The driver wouldn’t budge. There were also differences based on gender of the driver who was going to leave the spot and another on how a high status waiting car influenced how long it took for the parked car driver to leave. That was over 25 years ago.
Not anymore. Today, we get into our cars, plug in our phones to charge and most likely check texts or social media before heading out. Some cars have morphed into mini mobile offices. Good luck to those waiting for that car to leave.
Regardless of how long it takes to leave a spot, it still takes longer if the driver knows someone is waiting for that spot – why? One theory is instinctive territorial behavior. Even on a public street, in a free space, in a town you don’t pay taxes to, a driver consciously or unconsciously experiences the need to guard their territory of a few square yards of public asphalt as their own few square yards of asphalt.
This behavior knows no gender, age, education or social standing. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens enough that we all recognize it. In Buddhism we call it attachment. For that bit of time we become attached to that spot as ‘mine.’
Maybe you are laughing and thinking ‘how ridiculous,’ but is it? If, without realizing it we feel we can control someone by making them wait for or give up a parking spot, what does that say about the more important behaviors in our life? If I believe I can control a bit of asphalt, what does that say about me and attachments?
We usually become aware of our BIG attachments, but isn’t it the little ones that set our behavior and help us walk the path so we are on it when the BIG ones happen? The UCLA basketball coach John Wooden is quoted as saying “The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.” We think no one is watching when we crave and hang onto our attachments, but in Buddhism that simply doesn’t work. We watch our attachments, we know them and we suffer because of them. So why are they so difficult to give up? Maybe starting small, with a Parking Spot can be a start.
Namo Amida Buddha
Namo Amida Buddha
Namo Amida Buddha
Rev. Anita
rev.anita.cbt@outlook.com
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