A tale of wish fulfillment.

"The lifestyle you've always wanted is now mandatory." -Dead Kennedys

Six years three apartments and two jobs ago I was walking from Safeway to my car in the parking lot when my phone went off.

"Hello?"
"Is this Tim Larsen? The comic book artist?"
"Yeah, you got him. What can I do for you?"

"Oh wow, man! I'm just so stoked! I want you to work for me..."

And so my short trip to hell started.

This phone call originated from somebody who saw my work on Deviant Art or Digital Webbing. He introduced himself, kept inserting 'hey buddy' when addressing me and then pointed me in the direction of his Big Massive Project.

He paid this guy to write up his story in a 125-page screenplay. The movie was taking a while (he had investors) so he wanted really quickly to turn this into a comic book to get the ball rolling, eventually to make his story into a movie. Okay so good so far. I gave him a quote on what per page it would cost and assumed he would get sticker shock and not talk to me again.

On the contrary he called me again the next week and wanted lots and lots of pages made. It all centered on a character similar to him who was going to upset the 'system' and wreak havoc and topple Corporate culture and the Government. He described him as very like Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad. I was a huge fan of that show, so I was in.

But then I read the screenplay. Oh my God. The main character, while mirroring my client in every detail didn't resemble Pinkman at all. How bad was it? Imagine a talented young man who wrote music on the side would start writing. Imagine also that he felt himself extremely attractive and desirable, worshiped by thousands. The screenplay started off with his character on graduation night in High School wandering through the parking lot being asked to ride in a car with four attractive women who want to sleep with him. He refuses, instead wandering through the forest. He has an imaginary 'concert' there in front of thousands of future fans cheering mightily to his songs.

It has him upsetting the 'System' run by 'The Man' by... ... feeding the parking meters (I'm not kidding). Later it goes on with him running for (and winning) a Senate seat. The last 20 or so pages have him becoming President.

Needless to say, I skim-read the screenplay. I could only take so much.

'Hey Buddy, how's it going?' He (James) would say to me on the phone. He was anxious to get the first few pages out right away so his investors could start up this comic book asap. I overlooked the 'wish fulfillment' of the story and see this as simply a paying job. I could hold my nose while working on the steaming pile of crap. At least I would be getting paid.

Because James was so hot on getting this done I put on the back-burner another project that came after him where I was offered $200 for every week I could bring it in before the final deadline. I plowed ahead with James' stuff, made deadline on the other project but without any bonuses. At least I was fair to everybody, working on the earlier stuff first.

Here's where it gets interesting.

I delivered the pages to him, he was delighted. He said I would get paid as soon as his investors took a look at it later that week. The week went by, he said it would happen later in the month (April). April went. I called again. He was sorry for the delays, was still trying to reach the investors, he promised all this would get cleared up mid-May.

You can see where this is going. James kept delaying me, delaying me. So far I only had released small thumbnails of the finished pages (a smart move) showing the pages were indeed done, but not useable by him. I explained early on that when I got paid the full resolution pages would be handed over to him. James understood.

It was late June. I tried contacting him, but he went dead on his end. I sat and copy/pasted every promise he made and when I was finished I got a fire ready for a quiet evening of wine and barbecue by myself and the night sky some 20 yards from the house in the woods. Before finishing up on the computer I wrote a short message to him:

Hey James,

In early April I finished your three pages for Only Now Existing: The Escape Artist.

You said I would get paid later in the week. The week went by, and you said I would get paid later that month. That month went by, and then you said I would get payment soon, mid-May at the latest.

It is now late June.

I have the original artwork here, plus the high-res files.

Either you pay for them by midnight tomorrow or I will delete the files permanently and forever from my computer. I will also burn the original art. You've made enough promises now it's time to deliver.

Yours,
Tim Larsen.

I hit 'send' and walked outside with my steaks. I put the steaks on and got a glass of wine. Walking out, I heard my computer chime that I received an email. Then my cellphone rang. Then my landline phone rang. I picked up.

"Hello?"

"What's going on, Buddy? What the hell's wrong with you? I said I'd pay you!"
"Great, then go ahead and pay me."
"Not good, Buddy. Not good at all. You shouldn't go around and threaten people like that."
"I got nothing to talk to you about. Either I see the payment or the art goes away."
He tried to give me some business advice but I just hung up.

Jesse Pinkman didn't get his every wish fulfilled.

In 24 hours I got paid. Then I never heard from him again.

Three things I learned from this exchange.

Never work on crap. Crap will never rise above crap. If you don't believe in it you'll never want to be a part of it.
Watch out for 'wish fulfillment' wherever it presents itself. No one wants to read a story about you having a great time banging a dozen babes and becoming President of the United States.
Projects like this are beneficial if you're a writer because the content is a road map on what to steer away from.

10454 Lomita Ave #B, Felton
United States

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