“When you begin to care too much about what everyone else says, your confidence shrinks and you start to feel like insignificant, little Jack in a strange land of intimidating giants. But when you come to realize that opinions are as diverse and plentiful as dried beans, you might reach the conclusion that your own is of the greatest worth. That's when your confidence grows, and soon you find yourself striding like Gandalf the wondrous wizard among common hobbits in the shire. Respecting your own opinion is the magic that transforms both you and your world.”
- Richelle E. Goodrich
This quote is for Robert who sent me an email. A story of a dysfunctional family whose members considered it their right to use another's wealth, lie about them and destroy their dignity the best (or rather: the worst) they could.
Unfortunately stories like this are all too common.
It is difficult, if you have been raised to believe that others know better than you who you are, how you should behave, and how your dignity is of no worth, even to the extent of telling you to go ahead and kill yourself. You are taught to sacrifice everything you have achieved to save someone else they like better. Mental abuse to the extreme.
If this is your upbringing, you have been brainwashed since childhood to believe you are not worthy. This kind of behaviour serves those who would take advantage of you for their own benefit. There have always been people like that and they will keep on using you as long as you let them. Of course: you submitting to their will makes their lives easier. A servant to do their bidding. And usually these "servants" are kind, emphatic people who easily believe that whatever is wrong in their life is their own doing.
It will be painful to turn your back and leave people like that to their own devices. But if you don't, you are ruining your own life. No one has the right to destroy another person's self respect.
Isn't there a certain lack of logic in a situation where someone tells you not to be selfish and do what you want, and instead be unselfish and do what they want? Who is the selfish one there, I ask.
When you make it clear you no longer allow this kind of behaviour, they will protest. They will try to bring you down again to their own level. There may even be anger expressed. They may try to force you to react. You know they will. So think ahead how they will probably react and decide in advance how to behave / what to say (or not to say - sometimes falling back to the abusive dialogue serves no purpose).
If you feel you cannot handle this alone, do go and talk to a qualified psychologist. They are professionals in helping you find your self respect again, to see the situation from outside. To heal. To learn to say no. Heck it is so important to learn that little word. NO! No more!
Do not sacrifice your joy to the selfishness of others.
And you are not the first person I know whose family member told them to kill themselves. I have seen the effects this statement has to a young mind - deep depression that won't go away until help is sought.
If a person's core security and trust in life has been injured, it is hard to heal, to believe they are worthy of respect and love. But we are. We all are. Never believe otherwise.