|
Talking about sex with your teens has been a huge topic of awesome conversations in the media recently and I think it is friggin brilliant!! The reason I am so thrilled about it is, the focus is about how we are failing to talk about RELATIONSHIPS when talking about sex. The sex talk is never going to be a walk in the park, for parent or teen. But let's face it, the actual mechanics of sex is something that does not need as much 'talk' as other more important things; things such as love, respect, consent, heartbreak, and so on. Both the articles listed below talk about the same study, but each offers some great insights so I thought it was worth sharing both.
Recently I had a discussion with a teenager who was struggling in their relationship. Their partner suggested that they expand their experiences and have an open relationship. The young person expressed to me how they were uncomfortable with that idea (understandably so). He said to me that the girl had said it would be ok because there would be no emotions involved. (WTF??) He stated matter of factly that he would never do sex without emotions involved! Clearly, this young man may not represent the general male perceptions of sexual relationships, but it was very clear that the importance of respect and care was taught by his parents.
Each of the articles below has some incredibly useful suggestions. For example: Speak with your teen about the many forms of love. Explain what you mean when you say that you are in love with someone. Let your child understand that they may define being in love differently than someone else and that there is no right definition of being in love. But there are ways of knowing whether intense feelings for someone else are likely to lead to healthy or unhealthy romantic relationships. Explore with your teen why and how love can be deeply meaningful and change the course of our lives.
Ask yourself how easy this type of conversation is to have with your teen rather than "the erect penis is inserted into the vagina...." and all jokes aside, how much more important to the future of your teen's relationships is the conversation about love?
Another interesting point to consider, especially if you are already saying to yourself 'well my track record is pretty shit, who am I to talk about 'optimal' relationships? Many parents assume kids don’t want advice from them, or think their own failed relationships render them unfit to offer insights. “When you probe more deeply, a number say some version of ‘I feel I failed at my own relationships,'” Weissbourd says. “But relationship failures can generate as many insights as successes.”
Start these conversations with your teens early. Use any opportunity you can to talk about relationships, good and bad. Movies, TV shows, people you see in the mall, stories you hear about. Any opportunity where your teen could learn something useful and put tools in their tool box to maximise their understandings of respect, consent, care and consideration.
How To Teach Your Teens To Have A Healthy Romantic Relationship
Parents Are Getting The Sex Talk All Wrong
|
