the long version
(if you're in the mood)
i wanted to do a 'for real' sharing with you. cause thanksgiving is such a beautiful holiday. not always easy, but definitely profound.
this year has been on the harder end of things for me. my husband has been struggling with health issues that have truly weighed him down. thankfully, they're not life threatening, that's huge and we both know it. but they've been a challenge for sure.
there are all those 'noble' reasons that it's been hard for me. the watching someone you love in pain and the feeling of total helplessness and uselessness.
and then there's the not so 'noble' reasons it's been hard. the more 'selfish' ones that happen when pain comes and steals your best friend away - sometimes for moments, sometimes for longer.
we're actually into our second year of this. and yeah, that would also be our second year of marriage.
over the last couple months, i have finally come to feel this is an opportunity.
it's taken me a long time to get here. but i can see that if i'm going to learn how to love for real, then this is one heck of a good classroom for me to learn.
and i do believe i AM learning a little bit. tho, the learning curve is wide and i have a long long way to go.
here's a couple of the highlights i've gotten so far -
up until a month ago, i thought the timing was really awful for all this to happen. and then it suddenly became clear to me that if we had to go thru this, being married is exactly what i would have picked. and within one moment of really seeing this, my perception of the timing went from awful to beautiful. tell me there's not a lesson in that?!
during the first year that we went thru this, i was operating in a 'sacrifice' mode. quite frankly, i don't think 'sacrifice' does anyone any good. and i finally finally figured out it's CHOICES not sacrifices. and that's a huge difference. one that allows me to step into love with both feet.
and then this last thought i got recently from a conversation i had with my imaginary friends! yep. they are helping me along! -
when something is hard, it doesn't mean EVERYTHING has to be hard. there are many opportunities for me to create peace or fun or joy or calm or millions of other things.
i have been been aware of that since and actively, intentionally creating as much good as i possibly can.
so there's this stuff.
and then there's other stuff.
cause, yeah, it's the holidays!
and i wanted to tell you. because i do tend to be a joyful person. and i do try to stay positive. but i never want to give the impression that life is a hallmark movie over here!
and looking in, if you're struggling as well, i want to remind you that you're not alone. that prolly every single one of us is struggling in our own way with our own stuff.
yes, some is way heavier than others. but it's a cycle.
and we'll all experience all the different weights at different times.
and maybe there is some strange beauty in that. there is definitely gold in the fact that we share this journey together.
there's a rumi quote that i am holding close -
'Let the beauty we love
be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel
and kiss the ground.'
isn't that perfect for today?
so much to be grateful for! and so many different ways we can express that.
thanks for traveling with me.
your presence is one of my biggest and brightest blessings!