ChabadMatch Update

Iyar 5779 Edition 33

Two New Engagements!

Two Engagements happened on Erev Yud Alef Nissan!

1) Shadchan Moshe Raichman relates: "A single registered on the site and after a week mentioned to me that she hadn't heard from any Shadchan yet. I asked her to search the database to see if there was a profile of interest. She expressed interest in someone who by Hashgacha Pratis I knew, and who expressed interest in her as well. Since they were in the USA and I'm in Israel, her friend served as a go between and Boruch Hashem within 2 months of her registering, they became engaged!"

2) Shadchan Rus Kinn relates: "After a friend's daughter signed up to ChabadMatch, I started working with her to help find her bashert for some time, she approached me with the BashertNow profile of a bachur and asked me to proceed to make the match, and with the tremendous kindness from Above, it worked out wonderfully."

Why Should I Be Optimistic?

Having the Same Name as One's Future In-laws?

By Rabbi Chaim Hillel Raskin of Rehovot

Q. A bochur was suggested for my daughter but his mother’s name is the same as my daughter’s. Is that a problem?

A. Reb Yehudah Hachosid writes in his will (tzava’a) very serious things about making a Shidduch where the Chosson has the same name as his father-in-law or the Kallah as her mother-in-law. While Poskim question whether the rules of Reb Yehudah Hachosid were intended for all Jews or only for his descendants, the Tzemach Tzedek quotes the Alter Rebbe that the rule about the names of a Kallah and her mother-in-law certainly applies to everyone, while the other name issues we treat as a safek. Poskim have suggested various reasons for this prohibition:

(a) Not being able to name a child after that grandparent

(b) Compromise of Kibud Av Ve’m when calling the spouse by name

(c) Ayin hara.

Accordingly, there would be exceptions to this rule:

(a) If the grandparent forgoes having a child named after him

(b) If he refers to his wife differently than how his mother is called

(c) If they don’t live together the ayin hara is minimized.

However, other poskim are of the opinion that we cannot say with certainty what the reason is and we must therefore be stringent in all cases. Another rule was that the two mechutanim (fathers-in-law) should not have the same name (this is less severe for the mechutenestes (mothers-in-law) since their names aren’t written into the ksubah or tnayim). Some hold that it only applies if the names are irregular, and some limit it to when it is the parents who are marrying off the children.

From the Rebbe’s letters it is apparent that we should be concerned for this rule as well. The Tzemach Tzedek rules that not to be concerned when one side has an additional dissimilar name. Therefore, the practice is for one of the people to add a name, preferably at the beginning of their name. This is usually initiated by receiving an Aliya with the new name or making a Mi-Shebeirach, but most important is that they actually use their new name. Preferably the change should be made before the Shidduch is announced or at least 30 days before the writing of the tnayim.

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