In This Issue:

Welcome

1. Quote of the Month
2. Stress Management Video Tip
3. Parenting Without Stress Tip
4. Discipline Without Stress Tip
5. Living Without Stress Tips
6. Discipline Online
7. Charity for U.S. Schools
8. Speaking & Presenting
9. What People Say
10. Investment for Schools
11. For Readers of Fiction

Without Stress Shop

Welcome

If you missed the origin of Halloween video, I share it here for your education and enjoyment!

Click to watch the video

1. Quote of the Month

2. Stress Management Video

"Sitting is the New Smoking"

We all know smoking is bad for you, but did you know that the simple act of sitting too long is also unhealthy? Sit still long enough to hear this tip, and you may take a stand against sitting.

3. Parenting Without Stress

Remember that being positive in your communications is a more constructive teacher than sending negative messages. Your children do better when they feel good, not when they feel bad.

Speaking to children about what you WANT—in contrast to what you DON'T want—prompts feelings of being valued, supported, respected, motivated, and challenged. Communicating in positive terms also triggers enthusiasm, capability, and pride. These approaches promote maturity while bringing more joy to parenting.

4. Discipline Without Stress

I recently received the following inquiry from Gretchen:

Dr. Marshall, I wanted to clarify something that I am confused about. Our school has implemented the levels of behavior...

A quick note to my newsletter readers...
The Hierarchy of Social Development refers to two levels of unacceptable behaviors and two levels of motivation. Levels A & B are unacceptable behavioral levels—whereas behaviors on Levels C & D can appear identical; the difference is in the motivation at these levels. C=External motivation; D=Internal motivation.

The Hierarchy of Social Development Poem may help.

My question is about rewards vs. bribes. Do you think that recognizing students' hard work by giving them something is ok or not?

Of course it’s okay. Rewards are fabulous incentives and acknowledgments. The question is whether they are used as bribes to control as an incentive before or as acknowledgments after. Giving rewards to control behavior in the classical behavior model (as in PBIS) has many problems. Following are just a few of them.

1. Once a bribe to control as an incentive to do something is used, you will never know whether the MOTIVATION is to get the reward or taking the incentive to do the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do.

2. It is impossible to be fair. If a reward is offered and someone meets all the requirements—but does not receive a reward—that person feels “punished by rewards.” 

3. Rewards are great for team activities but when used between individuals, they create competition that does not create a community of learners. Competition is great to improve performance, but for learning COLLABORATION is far superior.

4. Adults give young people a false sense of reality. People do not get rewards for responsible civic behaviors.

5. When youngsters are given rewards young people like, such as tokens and candy, they are being rewarded for kids' values—not for values that make for mature and responsible citizens. Do we really want to encourage narcissistic behaviors?

The students did not know ahead of time that anything would be given to them for working hard and going above and beyond. They were given a free dress day (we have dress code) because of this but were not given the expectation that they would be given another if they continued to work hard. To me this is a reward and if I were a student, I would now be extrinsically motivated to work harder so that this might happen again.

No problem with this. We live much of our lives on extrinsic motivation. It’s in every society's DNA, namely, to behave according to the cultural mores. There is no problem in rewarding GROUPS for expected behaviors—as you have done. The point to remember here is that we are working with young people and want to develop the goal of taking the initiative to do the right thing because it is in their and others' best interests.

Consider a field trip. The adult would first teach the expected PROCEDURES to follow and then have students practice them. If the group reached the expectations on the field trip, I see no problem in rewarding the group. Suggestion: Elicit the reward from the kids before the activity.

By the way, an easy way to solve this problem (especially with classrooms using PBIS) is to give the kids a choice. Ask if those students who feel they are not mature enough to do what is right and feel they need to receive bribes to do so, continue giving them rewards. For those who are mature and responsible enough to do what is expected without getting a reward, assure them that their feeling of satisfaction they receive from being responsible is far more meaningful than being given some token. Then have the students do the rewarding. They will quickly learn how unfair the system is because of the complaints they will receive.

5. Living Without Stress

A) Listen to my audio interview on Talk Healthy Today hosted by Lisa Davis.

B) When you expect failure, you communicate your expectations to your subconscious mind. Your brain accepts the notion and prompts your mindset as if you will fail. You actually program yourself in a negative way to do the things that will lead to failure. This negative thinking creates anxiety that contributes to stress.

In contrast, when you expect to succeed, you empower your subconscious to prompt success.

To this day, I vividly recall my self-talk as I sat to take the written examination for my post-graduate degree. I studied, reviewed, reviewed, and reviewed again. I recall saying to myself something that sounded like, "Okay, let me show you what I have learned and how I am qualified and deserve to receive the degree." I often reflect what a great feeling I had taking the final exam for my doctorate.

Optimism and positivity can lead to extra effort that could be the difference between success and failure. In short, your subconscious can be the spark that leads to success.

To emphasize the point: Positive self-talk plays a substantial role in your success and happiness. Negative self-talk has the opposite effect. So, indulge in positivity, rather than listening to your doubts.

6. Discipline Online

Discipline Online reduces the "sink or swim" approach to teaching. Education is still the only profession that does NOT teach the most essential skill for success, namely, walking into a classroom for the first time as a new teacher and having a system to handle every behavior or discipline problem. Learn how at an incredibly low investment at Discipline online.

7. Charity for U.S. Schools

Any U.S. pre K-12 grade school can receive materials at no charge. Visit Discipline without Stress. Inc.

8. Speaking and Presenting

Need a speaker for a corporate, education, or parent event? Check out the Marvin Marshall's speaking site.

9. What People Say

Here are the positive words that I received from the California Association of School Counselors evaluations from my October 23rd presentation:

1. Practical suggestions
2. Innovative material
3. Well organized presentation
4. Useful resources (websites, programs, handouts)
5. Increased awareness of subject manner
6. Well-articulated, engaging presentation
7. Overall rating of the session

Every evaluation listed EXCELLENT (highest) in EVERY category.

One of many similar comments: "Loved it. Dr. Marshall is awesome and his research is so great."

10. Investment for Schools

Since Discipline Online is now available for schools and organizations to have multiple subscribers, the SCHOOL IN-HOUSE STAFF DEVELOPMENT is being discontinued at a FIRE SALE PRICE.

There are only 8 DVDs left in stock and they will not be reproduced. The price with all the inclusions is available at the fire sale investment of $499 rather than $995. First come, first served.

11. For Readers of Fiction

I highly recommend reading Evelyn Marshall's books.  They all are great reads!

THE PROVIDER (2012) is a Russian immigrant novel, set from 1922 to the 1960’s, about a couple seeking the American Dream. She achieves it; he doesn’t. (2012 International Book Finalist Award for Literary Fiction)

THE WAY THEY SEE (2013) is about a young couple in love who have a misconception about each other and then go their separate ways for twenty-five years; they then meet again. 

CONCERNING GEORGIA STEKKER (2014) is a cautionary tale of a jilted woman driven to swindling fortune hunters.

THE ROMANTIC IMPERATIVE (2017) is an analysis of the universal struggle between romanticism and the real world. (2017 International Book Award Finalist for Literary Fiction)

AN INCIDENT IN THE FAMILY (2017) In 1925, an uncle marries his niece. They have two children, the first normal, the second vastly retarded. In 1935, during the Great Depression, the father takes the now 6-year-old retarded child in the car with him. The garage door is closed. He starts the engine.

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Questions, Thoughts, or Comments?

Don't be shy, I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to contact me directly at Marv@MarvinMarshall.com

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