When do we stop and celebrate our own wins?

by Yashvi Peeti

We, almost constantly, have access to ways of comparing and competing with others. My first taste of this came when I was 8 years old. Our teacher decided it would be fun to divide the class in 3 groups: the brilliant students she'd focus the most on, the average ones that could strive to be better and the poor students she'd conveniently ignore.

Despite being a really bright student both before and after that year, I ended up in the group of students who were thought to be dull. I did not like coping with the pressure of constantly knowing where I stand among my peers. I loved school but I loved it most when I was driven by the sheer joy and fascination of learning.

I'm not questioning my teacher's intentions, but her method of motivation did not work for me.

I rejoice in growth most when it's not tainted by competition. That's probably why I've always been drawn to art and poetry. It's not as clean and easy to put them in boxes of good or bad, better or worse. So I've surrounded myself with them, my entire life, in an attempt to slow down in a world that can reward moving towards your goals at the greatest velocity.

At all the ages I've been until now, I've noticed my peers being driven by or struggling with competition. It makes me wonder. Does the goal post ever stop moving in the constant journey of improvement? Can it be fixed in place for a few seconds so we can celebrate or just catch our breath?

Here's my attempt at an answer.

Whatever you achieve can be weighed against the gravity of what someone else has achieved. Sometimes, I like to imagine we're all planets with our very own acceleration due to gravity. How high we fly and how grounded we stay, is a personal journey. This gravity can depend on a couple things:

1. The privilege you have (or the lack of it)

2. Your current mental, physical and social well-being

3. Your access to free and paid resources

4. Your connections in the area/field you want to grow in (nepotism does give people an undue advantage)

5. Just…luck
   

These things aren’t always in our hands. But they affect how easy it is for us to either succeed, or how far we’ll fall if we slip up.

Here’s a few ways we can beat comparison (or use it to do us good):

1. Take help: Ask for help and offer it too. There is no shame in taking help in the areas we need it in. We can make each other’s lives easier by simply doing what we’re individually good at.

2. Call your Community: Build a community of people (however small) who love you, and don’t care about whether you’re ‘successful’. And try to be this person for them too. Reach out to them and remind each other of all the ways you matter that have nothing to do with societal measures of success. I have a handful of people I share this with, and it makes ALL the difference.

3. Hit pause on the doom scroll: You can also take a break from platforms that make it far too easy to compare (looking at you Instagram and LinkedIn!)
   

I want to inch towards a place where we can celebrate ourselves and the people around us. And to do so, from time to time, without the heavy weight of comparison, expectations and potential. I want to give myself and other people like me the permission to thrive. Not thriving ‘more’ or ‘less’ than anyone else, and feeling GLORIOUS regardless.

Sincerely,
Yashvi (she/her)

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