In response to my request for topics to support Mums on, this was the first email that came through to me. We will call this parent Kelly and she said
“I'm honestly tired of feeling like I need to justify my methods, behaviours, and actions to seemingly everyone.
Like, everyone: Family, doctors, and more.”
There is so much to unpick even just in this sentence!
First of all, our language is so very important and when we use words like “everyone” is tells our brain that no-one is an ally. So, my first tip would be to specifically list the people who trigger you which will help you to mentally prepare for interactions with them. I’d also note the people who ARE accepting of what you’re doing. Even if the only name on your paper is that of your child – that’s the most important one!
Our need to explain and justify ourselves comes from a place of needing to belong (it’s an evolutionary thing, not always a conscious one) and often, leads to us questioning or second guessing ourselves which is exhausting and let’s face it – life is hard enough at times without this extra crap! You say you’re feeling tired, and I’m not surprised!
Write a list (don’t just think it – there is something very powerful about seeing things written down) of all the things that you do for your child that help them, ways that you have advocated for them and the impact that has had, things you have tried that have helped and what you have learned from the things that for whatever reason didn’t work as you’d hoped.
Once you look back at your list, I hope you can draw strength and energy from the proactive steps you ARE taking and the positive impact that’s having on your child. The prouder you feel of yourself and your efforts, the less likely you are to feel the need to explain yourself.