Date: 18.05.2022

You can’t lead if you’re busy following.

You can't progress in your life if you are busy following other people's lives.

Our time on earth is insultingly brief. And the way we use it not only determines our current state but our future situation as well.

Sadly, we waste much of it on unimportant things. Or, we engage ourselves in a variety of projects but never see the fruition of any of them, because we never have time for all of them.

What's a better way to go about this scare resource?

Decide in advance what to fail at.

When you confidently state that you can't become great at X, Y, and Z. But solely focus on X. Your path forward will grow clearer.

That's one of the tips by Oliver Burkeman. The author of Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals.

I've read and summarized the book - see below. But I also highly recommend reading the whole thing.

• Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman: Managing your time well is, foremost, realizing that not everything can be managed. Drop the impossible standards you are pursuing, and decide in advance what to fail at.

Full text for members only.

Interesting books I recently added to my reading list (and hopefully will read at some point):

• How to Talk About Books You Haven't Read by Pierre Bayard: There you have it, a book that will teach you how to approach books you haven't read (and probably never will). Or in other words, the importance of "non-reading".
• The Shame Machine: Who Profits in the New Age of Humiliation
  by Cathy O'Neil: A book that explains how shaming can destroy your ego and place you in an uneasy state of mind. The main two ideas Cathy O'Neil discuss in this title are: 1) How shame is used to "punch down" - use shame to "hit" the powerless and keep them in their place; 2) How you can use shame to "punch up" - shame powerful, influential institutions so you can bring meaningful change to the world.
• The Consumer Society: Myths and Structures by Jean Baudrillard: To quote part of a review about the book I particularly liked: "Capitalism doesn’t remove needs, it creates them. Capitalism can only exist on the basis of accelerating growth – but growth is only possible if capitalism generates desires and wants."

Joseph Wolpe

Born in Johannesburg, South Africa in 1915. And after that becoming an American citizen. Joseph Wolpe was one of the most cited psychologists of the 20th century.

Wolpe is best known for his findings in behavioral therapy, and more particularly in his technique of systematic desensitization.

Big Idea: Systematic Desensitization

When Joseph Wolpe started working with patients. The common treatment was to let them share their repressed experiences. It was believed that this will effectively cure their neurosis. However, that was not the case.

This forced Wolpe to search for new solutions and eventually led to his discovery of systematic desensitization.

Facing your fears is not a guarantee that you'll overcome them. Commonly, this can lead to frustration. Wolpe concluded that overcoming your struggles should happen gradually.

Systematic desensitization is a practice where a person is exposed to an anxiety-producing stimulus at a low level. Once no anxiety is present, a stronger version of the anxiety-producing stimulus is given. It all starts with making the person feel comfortable, relaxed. The reasoning is simple: One cannot be both relaxed and anxious at the same time.

From my desk:

• Instant Gratification: The Ultimate Guide for Unlimited Pleasures: "Welcome the instant gratification guide! A handy little manual that will show you how to properly distract yourself from the demands of the adult life so you can experience more joyful activities."

From around the web:

• How Note Taking Can Help You Become an Expert: An excellent post that introduces an old-school theory (Cognitive Flexibility Theory) that can help you shift your thinking process to become more adaptable to the situation at hand.
• How Patience Pays Off: "Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience. The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." Leo Tolstoy

Assertiveness

Being confident and self-respectful is a skill not all of us have. Assertiveness is about acknowledging your wants along with what others want and trying to find a winning outcome for all parties involved.

An assertive person stands in the middle ground. Between a passive person and an aggressive one. The first is apologetic and probably dishonest. The second type is blaming, attacking, and solely focused on having his needs met.

In contrast, an assertive person is able to communicate his needs and rights in a way that respects the rights of others.

When you're assertive, you are self-assured and draw power from this to get your point across firmly, fairly, and with empathy.

Ever wondered why we have two eyes and one mouth?

According to the architects and decorators of the Cuypers library in Amsterdam, Netherlands. To celebrate the art of reading. On the wall of this library, there is a text that states: "Thou hast two eyes and one mouth. Let this be a sign to you – to read much, and not to speak."

You can find more insights about this unique place here: 10 Things to know about the Cuypers Library

Regards,

Ivaylo Durmonski

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