The next Meet Shadchanim Event will take place on Wednesday, 20 Cheshvan (November 20). Register to have the opportunity to schedule meetings with up to 4 Shadchanim at www.chabadmatch.net/register.

You are now able to see medals by the most successful Shadchanim, wherever their names appear on the site, whether on the Shadchan List or on any profile on the site.

Shadchanim with 25+ successful Shadchanim have a gold medal, Shadchanim with 15+ successful Shidduchim have a silver medal, and Shadchanim with 5+ Shidduchim have a bronze medal.

Here are the current list of Shadchanim with Medals:

Gold Medal: Zvi Mitz

Silver Medal: Shandel Blasberg

Bronze Medal: Dassie Kramer, Rus Kinn, Leah Lipszyc, Chani Raksin, and Dafna Zandman

By: Rabbi Dr. Yossi Ives

One of the common questions in shidduchim is whether to have a second date, if the first one didn’t go well. One doesn’t go on dates to be nice or because one feels bad. If someone was seriously uncomfortable with a date, will they start liking them by continuing to date? Similarly, if someone identify qualities that they regard as unsuitable, how would that change on further dates? Is going on a second date for the sake of a second date fair to either party?

On the other hand, there is evidence that spending more time with people can result in liking them more. Positive face-to-face interaction can lead a person to modify their expectations. Another reason to consider a second date is because the initial impression may be based on a negativity bias, the notion that people often over-emphasize negative qualities. People come to dating with very high expectations, and they can experience disappointment when something isn’t perfect.

While there may not be a blanket rule to always go on a second date, there are often good reasons to do so. On the other hand, it isn’t helping anyone to show up a second time just so that it can be said that the shidduch didn’t end after one date. Here are some guidelines for deciding on the wisdom of a second date:

• If there is genuine incompatibility, there is no real point in pursuing the shidduch.

• Consider the possibility that there was a misunderstanding, especially when the perception from the date diverged from the information acquired before.

• There are many reasons why a first date may not go so well, from the setting to tiredness to nervousness. If simply “it didn’t go well”, then best meet again and see if it turns out differently.

• Inform the shadchan if you felt you were not your best on a date, and share the reason why. This can greatly increase the chances of the other party agreeing to trying again.

• If both parties are not interested in pursuing it, it rarely makes sense to push it forward.

• When the reason is “I’m Just not feeling it,” this could be because of a person’s own internal obstacles. Instead of walking away, try to figure out how to build the connection.

• A second date needs to be viewed as a do-over of the first date. Put aside conceptions based on the previous experience and come with an open mind.

• Consider changing things up for the second date – such as different topics, time of day or type of venue, or dress style – to enable a new dynamic to occur.

•                                                                                                                                           To contact the author: yossi@tagdevelopment.org

Shidduch #419: Levi Malov & Malky Michalashvili

Shadchan Yael Michalashvili relates: "I had my niece join ChabadMatch a while ago. Looking through ChabadMatch we found Levi. I reached out to his Mom. The rest is history!"

Shidduch #420: Yehuda Cohen & Nina Adraei

Shadchan Bela Holzberg relates: "The Choson reached out to me regarding some profiles of interest and BH I found one that matched!"

Shidduch #421: Shmuel Shapiro & Brocha Fierstein

Shadchan Zvi Mitz relates: "I was in touch with the girl's side and I thought of a very good match for her. Baruch Hashem, it was a great match, and they got engaged!

Shidduch #422: David Saban & Chen Pomeranz

Shadchanit Yael Gueta debated whether to travel from Netanya to our Meet Shadchanim Event in Kiryat Malachi. BH she was able to make a successful Shidduch from meeting a single at the event!

Shidduch #425: Shneur Kantraovitz & Tomer Miler

Shadchanit: Bayla Holzberg