Shoutout to the real ones (sorry I haven't texted you back)

by Kate Cardoz 

Imagine this: It's Friday night, you've just got done with work, you're too tired to go out. So you decide to scroll through everyone’s Friday night stories on Instagram. How are their lives so happening? And more importantly - HOW are all their friends free at the same time!!?

Making plans with my friends starts with, ‘’Hey lets catch up!’’ And our schedules finally align…five weeks later. Life was so much simpler in college when we would meet everyday. But then college got over and BOOM — adulting hit us hard.

Sometimes you work even on weekends, or your friends have shifted cities for jobs or college, and everyone’s just barely making it through life. No one told you life was gonna be this way - especially not the characters on 'Friends'. Not staying in touch regularly can make you wonder - “am I a terrible friend?!”

That's where low maintenance friendships come in. Honestly, these have been a blessing for me. There’s a mutual understanding that life can get hectic, so friendships shouldn't be! Low maintenance doesn't mean low quality friendships though. A side effect of the way we live our lives is that everything seems urgent. And if you don't pay attention to it ASAP, you miss out. But low maintenance friendships give you the space to show up slowly, authentically, and at your own pace. I often find myself so caught up in my to-do list for the week, that I forget to follow up on a call with a friend. In such cases, it's helpful when friends don't take it personally in the moment but are always up for a catch-up call later! 

My best friend shifted cities for a job she really wanted to take up. In college, we would match train timings and lunch breaks. Now, we barely see each other every few months, nor do we keep in touch everyday. But the love still remains the same. I know that I can pick up the phone on her when needed and she can do the same with me.

Our friendship naturally evolved to this state but it would be helpful to talk things out - especially with friends you don’t want to drift apart from. If you find yourself struggling to keep in touch with your friends, here are some ways that I use (These are a work in progress, and I'm still not a pro at keeping in touch!)

1. Build traditions and rituals

My best friend and I send handmade cards and letters to each other every year (especially on birthdays) in which we talk about the memories we made, and our hopes for the future.

2. A meme-athon

Send each other memes and relatable posts - just to let them know you're thinking of them.

3. Pick Up The Phone!

Just call them when you miss them too much (I hate phone calls, but with the right people they just feel easy. Trust me!)

4. Plan an activity that you both enjoy

We're both BIG Indo-Chinese food lovers and whenever my best friend is in the same city, we make it a point to go gorge on some Chinese food (almost always 5-spice).

5. Spill the tea from time to time - give them updates about your life

These could be through a series of photos of your latest trip, texts that start with a ‘’Listennnn’’ or ‘’you won't believe this’’ or ‘’are you ready for these screenshots!’’ Or if you're like me, a series of voicenotes (or should I say mini podcasts) for them to gauge your emotions and excitement.

Sometimes I really want to catch up with an old friend but it's just been waaay too long and overthinking gets the best of me - should I or should I not? Will I even have anything new to talk about? But before you get into that spiral, just make the first move, there's nothing to lose! The best feeling about low maintenance friendships is that you can pick up from where you left off and it just feels the same! How do you keep in touch with your friends? Are low maintenance friendships a big part of your life too? Write to me, I would love to know!

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