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NOW
Every part of my body stiffens except for my lips. As if having a mind or a heart all their own, they eagerly welcome his. Jake’s rough fingerprints caress my skin as he cups his hand over my cheek. I close my eyes and breathe him in. It’s like inhaling the most arousing drug—one I was once addicted to. My blood rushes to all the right places on my body and my head becomes intoxicatingly hazy. His hands trail up my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair as the ocean breeze whips through my wispy strands.
Jake gently kisses my face then nuzzles his nose near my ear. “I missed you,” he whispers.
My breath becomes heavy, weighted by how wrong this is when it feels so right. His mouth meets mine again, this time with an intense hunger. Clearly, I missed him too. Or at least this part of him. His hand slides down my body, grazing my breasts. The sensation sends a jolt, pulsing throughout my entire body and my eyes spring open.
What am I doing kissing my ex-husband like this? My eyes shift back and forth as he plants a kiss on my collarbone. No one’s around. Thank God. I have to get out of here.
I push him away. “I can’t do this,” I say, backing off. “I’m married to Kyle.” My face is hot with a searing sensation of remorse. What have I done?
He grasps for my hand. “But you should still be married to me.”
I look into his brown eyes glinting in the dim light. I’m not sorry for leaving him. It was the right thing. Even though it was difficult. “But I’m not.” I snatch my hand back. “I have to go.”
I hurry to the doors and down the royal red-carpeted stairs, running for my stateroom. When I make it back, I slam the door behind me, my chest heaving. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to catch my breath after this. A moment later, the door handle clicks. I back away and Kyle peeks his head in as the light from the hallways pours in behind him.
He smiles that sweet, totally unaware Kyle smile and I wish I could just crawl in a hole and die. “There you are. Are you okay?”
No, I’m definitely not okay. “Yeah, the seasickness is getting to me. I think I just need to get to sleep.”
His brow knits with a concerned expression. “Are you sure you’re all right? Your face is green?” He comes closer with arms open. I step away, just barely dodging his touch.
“Yeah, I threw up a couple of times.” And made out with my ex-husband. “I just need a shower and some sleep.”
“You want me to shower with you?” he asks. And I can tell he just wants to be near me.
I shake my head. “You know we can’t both fit in that tiny shower.”
“Sure we can. We just have to get really close.” He rubs my arm and it takes everything I have not to withdrawal. Not because I don’t want him to touch me but because I’m not sure if I deserve such a loving touch after what I’ve just gotten myself into. He’s going to be heartbroken when I finally tell him. I’m just not ready for that now.
“I’ll be quick,” I say, mustering a smile.
I lock myself in the bathroom and start the shower, ripping off my clothes as fast as I can. Immersing myself in the cascading water, I imagine that it’s rinsing away my very bad decision. My mind flashes back to Jake, the way his tongue twirled with mine in rhythm, a choreography our mouths haven’t forgotten. My eyes roll back and I bite my lower lip where his kiss still lingers.
I shake my head and rub my face hard.
No, Natalie!
You have to forget him. Forget that kiss. Forget all his kisses. Even if I could, how would I forget what he said? That he still loves me. And I’m sure he’s right. Deep down, I love him too. But falling out of love is not why I left him. I couldn’t trust him to do the right thing by me anymore. And the fact that he put me in this position tonight is proof that that hasn’t changed.
I towel off and clear away my smeared makeup from around my eyes unable to look myself in the mirror. Praying that my face doesn’t give me away before I can, I take a deep breath. Steam wafts into the room when I reluctantly open the door.
Kyle waits on the edge of the bed. “Feel better?”
No. “Yeah.”
“I got you some peppermint tea and saltines from downstairs.” He motions to the items on the counter.
“Thank you. That was really nice,” I say, trying to hold it together. Yep, Kyle’s the kind of guy to bring you crackers when you’re sick and Jake’s the guy who kisses you like it’s the freaking Titanic while your husband’s on board.
I slip into a pair of fresh clothes and slide under the covers with my hot tea. Every sip tastes guiltier than the last.
“Why don’t you lie down, I’ll give you a massage,” Kyle offers.
“No, that’s okay.”
He sits next to me. “C’mon, you deserve it.” Trust me, I don’t. “It’s been a pretty rough day for you, seeing Jake on the boat, falling on your ass.” Strange how falling on my ass is the least of my worries today.
I look into my husband’s eyes, feeling the words bubble up. I kissed Jake. When I open my mouth, nothing comes out. Why is it so hard to say? Maybe because I’m not sure he’ll ever look at me the way he’s looking at me ever again. “Okay,” I say and set my cup on the tea-size end table. I flip over to my stomach and feel Kyle’s soothing hands massage my skin. I close my eyes and melt into the mattress, reminding myself that I belong with Kyle until I fall asleep.
***
The sound of a low conversation nudges me awake. It’s still dark out. The ship’s still sailing. A dim light shades the room with a mix of indigo and warm yellow.
“She’s awake,” Kyle says and I look behind me, wiping sleep out of my eyes.
My husband stands near the bed next to . . . my ex-husband? Their serious expressions land on me harder than I landed on my hip. Oh, no. How did Jake find our room?
“What’s going on?” I ask, rising out of the sheets.
“Jake told me everything,” Kyle says strangely calm.
“Kyle, it didn’t—”I flip the covers off of me and hop to my feet. Now it’s just me, my husband, and my ex-husband in this small stateroom. Nowhere to hide.
“It’s okay,” Jake says, stepping closer. “We talked about it.”
“Talked about what?”
Kyle inches closer now too and my heart races. What’s going on? Is this a joke? “We love you and we know you love both of us. And there’s no reason we can’t all have what we want.” He shoots a glance to Jake, then pulls me in, kissing me like everything is okay. I feel a sense of relief over my entire body as I wrap my arms around his neck.
A pair of lips kiss the top of my shoulder and up the nape of my neck. I break away from Kyle and glance back. Jake’s eyes meet mine as he teases my skin with the edge of his teeth. Why is my husband so unfazed by Jake’s liberties? Kyle slides his hand up my thigh and pulls my nightgown over my head and kisses me like it’s just the two of us.
Jake’s tongue slides down my back, past my hips as he takes two handfuls of my backside, nibbling at my skin. Kyle cups my breast while Jake slides his finger beneath my lace panties, toying with me. My eyes roll back as the unbelievable sensation of four amazing hands on my body rushes over me.
Oh, my God. Is this really happening?
And why am I letting it?
Jake pulls his hand back and Kyle lays me on the bed with a confident smirk. My two husbands stand over me, a lusty hunger in their eyes. Jake loses his shirt, his jeans, his everything, and climbs on the bed, lowering over me. His yearning mouth meets mine, and it’s even more delicious than it was before. Then, Kyle kisses my ankle, running his hand softly up my leg. I let out a moan. Who’s name should I call now? And who knew sex with an ex and your husband could be this, this . . . incredible. Kyle’s tongue traces up my inner thigh while Jake takes my hard, aching nipple into his mouth. I intertwine my hands with Jake’s newly short hair, pulling at it, begging for more.
Yes, I want more. More. More!
With their hands on my body, I feel like every inch of me is enveloped in ecstasy. Kyle’s mouth pulls away and Jake climbs between my legs. I look up just to see how happy he is to see me. I spread my thighs wider, opening for him. He lowers over me and I can feel just how strong is love really is. I tilt my hips forward, wanting all of it.
“Oh, yes,” I let out. “Oh, God, yes!”
“Oh, Natalie,” Kyle whispers in my ear, flicking his tongue on my earlobe. “Natalie.”
I love it when he says my name.
“Natalie,” he says again. “Natalie, wake up.”
I open my eyes to a sunlit stateroom. “Huh?”
“It’s okay, you were having a nightmare.”
I blink my eyes open and focus on his face. That was definitely not a nightmare, but it was certainly a dream.
Well, that explains it.
He wipes a tissue over my forehead. “You’re all wet,” he says. With my slightly saturated underwear, I have to agree.
“I was dreaming?” I ask.
“Yeah, very loudly.”
Heat prickles at my cheeks. Oh no, I hope I didn’t reveal anything unconsciously. “What did I say?”
“Nothing. You were just moaning and writhing around. What were you dreaming about?”
I sit up, pull the covers up to my chest. My little ménage à trois may have been a fantasy but the kiss last night with Jake was very, very real. “I . . . I . . .”
THEN
No, I can’t do that. I may be married to a schmuck but he’s still my schmuck.
I back away. “I’m sorry, Kyle. I can’t.”
“I know. You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He lowers his head.
“It’s okay,” I say. “I get it. But, you know . . .”
He nods and the hum of the cab’s engine approaches the curb. “Jake.”
“Exactly.”
“No, I mean, Jake’s here.” He points to the parked taxi and I whip my head toward it. My husband stumbles out and slams the door behind him.
“Oh, my God, Quinn, I’m so happy to see you.” Jake comes over to me as quickly as his fumbling feet will carry him. With his arms open wide, he nearly crashes into me in an embrace that I’m not at all prepared for. I shoot Kyle a look over Jake’s shoulder.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask, returning his hug. This might explain why he never answered his phone. But there’s no suitcase and the cab is now gone. He couldn’t have just flown in.
“I live here, baby, remember?” His tongue seems to be coated in about ten layers of Jack Daniels. “I came home to see you.” His speech is slightly slurred. Then he looks back at Kyle. “Hey, man. What are you doing here?”
Kyle squares his shoulders. “I’m helping Natalie since you haven’t been around to do it.”
“Yeah?” Jake’s stance is hostile and he walks up to Kyle. “You’ve been real fuckin’ helpful the last few months, haven’t you? Cutting the grass, going out to eat, drinking wine together. You think I don’t know what you’re up to.” He shoves his supposed best friend, knocking him off his balance. My heart pounds hard against my chest. I’ve never seen Jake like this before. And I don’t like it.
Kyle doesn’t back down. “You’re drunk.”
“And you’re tryin’ to sleep with my wife!” Jake comes at him again and this time Kyle’s ready for it. He pushes Jake off, but then my husband crouches lower and charges into him.
Lily’s fierce barks howl from inside the closed glass storm door and my hands helplessly shake. “What are you doing!” If only I could grab them by the ears and scold them like the bad children they’re being. But I know I can’t take them both on. “Stop it!”
Kyle wrestles Jake to the ground and they barrel over the grocery bags, knocking over canned soups and boxed pasta. I don’t know what to do. Scream for help? Call the police? Run inside and hide until it’s over? The scuffle ensues on my driveway. Not even my nosey neighbor across the street has come out to see what all the fuss is about. The guys grunt and growl like it’s a WWF match. Dammit! They’re acting like total assholes. Their faces are beet red and their elbows and arms are scuffed from the driveway.
“Stop fighting! You’re gonna hurt yourselves!”
Good one, Natalie. I’m sure they’re super concerned about their safety right now.
I realize that the idea of two men fighting over us is appealing but this is awful. Kyle’s cab pulls up, screeching to a stop about a street fight too late. The driver jumps out of the car.
“Hey, you idiots!” he calls in a Jersey accent. His tall, broad build is revealed as he hurries around toward the scene.
He grabs on to Jake’s shoulders and, in one fell swoop, lifts him to his feet. Kyle stumbles upright. Both of them breathing fire with animosity in their eyes. “Geez, what are you guys doin’ fightin’ in front of the lady like that?”
Kyle wipes his red face, his previously starched shirt disheveled. Jake shrugs off the cab driver and steps back.
“One of you guys Kyle?” the hero asks.
“Yeah,” Kyle says glancing my way.
“Get in the cab.” The driver looks my way. “You okay, ma’am.”
I nod. “Yeah, he’s my husband.”
Kyle sends me one last look before complying with the driver. He better give him a big tip.
“Get yourself cleaned up, man. And show your wife some respect.”
Jake nods as he huffs, catching his breath.
The cab driver walks off to his car, mumbling something under his breath.
Jake walks up to me, a hairline scratch across his cheek. “I’m sorry things got out of hand. I didn’t know what to think when I saw you two standing there.”
I say nothing, instead, turn on my heel and stomp back into the house.
“Quinn, wait!” he calls following me inside. “I’m sorry.”
I whip back around in his direction and he’s barricaded by Lily who’s jumping all over him, whining like a puppy for his attention after so long. It’s heartbreaking really. I should be as happy to see him too.
“What exactly are you sorry about, Jake?”
“I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Sorry I had to see that, not that you showed up drunk and assaulted your best friend.”
“He’s not my friend.”
“Yes, he is! He is the only reason I’ve survived the last few months, assuring me that you’re good, that you’re doing this for us, being here for me because you chose not to.”
“Yeah, it sounds like you two have gotten pretty friendly while I’ve been away.”
“Oh, get over yourself. There’s nothing going on between me and Kyle.” Which is technically true. And there wouldn’t be anything to worry about if he hadn’t left in the first place.
“Get over myself? I’ve been working my ass off for you!” He points a hard finger in my direction.
“For me? This has never been about me. It’s not even about us. That’s the problem. This whole thing is about you getting as far away as possible after what happened. Some attempt to turn lemons into freaking lemonade. Well guess what, Jake? We’re a hell of a lot worse off now.”
“You’re right,” he says shaking his head in shame. “I let you down. But I can fix this.”
“Fix what? Our marriage? Our broken hearts about the babies we lost? What about the fact that I haven’t seen a penny of return for my investment and now our credit cards are maxed out?”
Jake swallows hard as if my words have stopped him cold. But then, he makes a b line past me into the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” I call after him.
He opens the liquor cabinet and pours himself a shot from the sixty-four-ounce bottle of his favorite whiskey that I’ve been saving for him.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I say, fuming.
He pours another shot. “You want one? You might need it.”
My stomach tightens and no doubt there’s steam coming out of my ears. “No, I don’t want one.”
“Okay.” He shoots me a look like he’s warned me then throws back the second shot.
“Is that what you’ve been doing out there? Drinking all our money away?”
“I wish. It may have been a better use of it,” he mumbles.
“What does that mean?”
Leaning on the counter, he turns to me. “The project dried up. Just like everything else in that godforsaken desert.”
I stand there frozen, searching his eyes for some clarity. Did he say it dried up?
“There’s no money left. I had to pay the workers and send everyone home.”
“What?” My gut churns. Is he serious? A wave of dizziness washes over me and I lock my knees to stay standing. “Are you telling me that it’s all gone?” The words are heavy on my tongue with the weight of a hundred thousand dollars. One hundred grand of my hard earned cash.
“Yes. But I have a plan to get it back. All of it.”
My jaw is clenched so tight I might break it, if I don’t break his first. “You really are drunk because there’s no way in hell I’m going along with any more of your so-called plans. You have cost me everything, Jake. Everything! And I am not going to let you destroy another fucking thing, do you hear me?”
He steps forward. “Quinn, I know I—”
I curl my hands into fists. “Don’t Quinn me, okay? Don’t say another word. I can’t even look at you right now.” My glare shifts. Why can’t he just disappear? “Lily!” I march to the door, my beloved lab on my heels.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re leaving. I can’t stay here with you.” I grab both his keys and mine in case he has another brilliant plan to get behind the wheel and follow me.
“Where are you going?”
“Don’t worry about it. Just sober up and get yourself a lawyer.”
I push the front door open with all my fury and hurry to my car, locking the doors the moment we’re inside. Lily paces the back seat, panting like she’s panicked and stressed.
“Quinn, don’t do this!” Jake’s words are muffled through the glass. I look into his eyes, the eyes I used to love and feeling nothing but disappointment and disdain. He ruined everything. And I hate him. I hate my husband.
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