One of my friends is the most direct and pragmatic person I know. And she is the least people-please-y person I know, too. 

I was at her house for dinner the other week and as we were chatting on her sofa after eating, she said “I’ll need to go to bed soon”. 

Something struck me about how easy she seemed to find it to name her need and essentially, make it clear that she was ready for me to leave. I was inspired! 

There was a clear and factual nature to what she was saying. An absence of discomfort or awkwardness and just a very simple truth: it was late, she was ready for bed, ready for me to leave. 

When she tells me about what’s going on in her life, I see how easy she finds it to take good care of herself.

She tells me she doesn’t really question doing what’s best for her. She just does it, because….it’s what’s best for her. That’s the only reason she seems to need.

And what I find most brilliant? She has many nourishing friendships and relationships. People stick around, despite what my inner people-pleaser might describe as her rudeness!

I think it's very helpful to be reminded that direct and boundaried people exist. 

That just because I might struggle to ask people to leave my house when I’m ready for bed, and wait instead until whatever time they are ready to leave, there are many people out there who absolutely do not. 

It means the people I’m fearful of upsetting with my directness probably have at least a few people in their lives who regularly say what works for them. 

Which leads me to think....what if people are more used to the directness we fear will cause catastrophic offence, than we realise?!

What if simple boundaries, like letting someone know you're ready for them to leave your house, might actually be received with understanding? 

Because of course it makes sense to be ready for bed at 11pm on a weeknight...of course it does. 

Here's to embracing those less complicated opportunities to do what's best for you. 

Be honest about what time works to meet up, instead of defaulting to others. 

Ask for the drink you actually want, not just what everyone else is having. 

Try not to overthink it; consider the possibility that being honest about your availability, or what you'd like to drink, will probably make logical sense to most people. 

And remember that expressing your needs in these everyday ways is common; people are used to hearing it. 

If you feel moved to share your reflections today, know that my inbox is open, should you wish to reply. 

With warmth until next time, 

Elsie 

In case you're interested:

Mine and Coach Hannah Buchan's journaling course starts again in May and the waitlist is open! It's a brilliant opportunity to commit to prioritising self-care just a little bit more. Journalling is a big part of the work I do with clients, it can quite literally change your life. People-pleasing recovery included!

Click here for more info. 

Disclaimer: the content shared in this newsletter is for educational purposes only and should not be taken as personal advice, a replacement for therapy or individualised mental health support/medical care.