Micro-Reframe #1

Self-Fidelity

Self-fidelity is first and perhaps most important tenant of replenishment.

Self-fidelity is what makes replenishment possible.

So what's self-fidelity?

In short self-fidelity is forming a deep and unwavering partnership with yourself.

It's the kind of faithful and unfailing commitment you make with a partner or spouse.

It’s the presence and patience you have with the children in your life.

It’s the prioritisation of your work, businesses and clients. Or perhaps your community or volunteer work

And lastly it’s the love and attention you lavish on who and what is most important in your life.

With self-fidelity all that is directed back at you — love, patience, faithfulness, presence, commitment — chosen by you for you.

Self-fidelity is being true to yourself. To what you need: in the immediate, short, medium and long terms . What you want. And what you desire.

It puts you at the centre of your life. Unapologetically.

Perhaps not all the time, but some of the time.

Starting small, starting simple and building on that.

And let's be clear, it's not easy.

Why.

Women are socialised (through grooming, shaming and gaslighting) to deprioritise ourselves. We are literally taught (then expected) to put everyone and everything ahead of us.

We live a life of abandoning ourselves.

And that's the opposite of what self-fidelity is.

With self self-fidelity we choose ourselves, over and over again.

We do this relentlessly. We do this imperfectly. And over time it becomes easier — we do it lessening guilt and shame.

We stop leaving ourselves behind.

We say yes to ourselves.

So why not no to others? Because each yes to us, has an inherent no to others. Self fidelity is all about positioning yourself in the centre of your life.

It starts with your yes.

Self-fidelity is the first step in deprogramming the old stories we live in.

The next reframe disrupts these stories through the words we choose to build ourselves and our realities around.

Regardless of how you feel in this moment, or how momentous the responsibilities stacked behind you are, there is a choice to disrupt society’s need for you to abandon yourself here. And now.

This is not about perfection. Or getting it right. Or letting others down.

This about saying yes, and together we'll figure the rest out as we go.

Questions (for now or later)

1. Where and how do you abandon yourself? Is there a common thread (or a common person) in these situations?
2. What's the smallest yes you can say in the next 24 hours? (And how does it make you feel?)


Emergency Triage

Hack #1 — Beautiful Sounds

The first thing we are often told to turn to, to regulate our nervous system is breathing.

The first thing I am going to offer you is a soothing sound? Have it in an easy accessible place on your phone.

Perhaps it’s birdsong. Or the ocean. Or your favourite poet reading your favourite poem. A song that does all the right things. Maybe it a binaural beat.

Maybe you need to close your eyes as your listen. Or to lie down. Or have your spine flat against a surface. Or your feet bare.

Or perhaps it’s something else you need to do with your body as you listen.

Experiment with this as a way to gently attend to your nervous system.