Transforming Lives Counseling Center History

Self Care Tips Every Black Woman Needs

The Myth of the Strong Black Woman

Ask A Sister Therapist

Transforming Lives Counseling Center History

Racquel P. Jones, LCSW-R

I have been asked many times what made me decide to start my practice and in particular why my practice is centered around providing psychotherapy to women and adolescents of color in particular Black women and girls. This post will tell you a little about me and what led me down this path.

I’ve been a therapist for 27 years and I’ve worked in various capacities and several agencies as well as at an inpatient psychiatric hospital. During this time I’ve worked with many different populations and have also been a speaker at different organizations and written articles about therapy with Afro Caribbean families and women.

Working at agencies is very stressful and although I loved my clients I knew I couldn’t be there forever. I had always wanted a private practice but due to several circumstances I didn’t begin the process until 2016. After my last position as a clinical supervisor at an outpatient substance abuse clinic in New York City, I decided that it was time to start my practice. I’ve always been passionate about helping women of color especially Black women who often struggle with finding culturally competent mental health treatment . I started Transforming Lives Counseling Service in July 2016,  My practice has grown so much since this time and I’ve expanded and in addition to myself, TLCC has 4 other therapists. The other therapists are Latifa Williams, LMHC,  Gabrialle Taylor, LCSW, LaJeanna Haughton, LMSW and Susanne Berman, LMSW.

People have also asked if it’s discriminatory that my practice focuses on the mental health needs of women and girls of color in particular Black women and girls. Psychotherapy is often viewed as a luxury for wealthy white people and I wanted to bring culturally competent care to Black women and girls who often don’t get to see people who look like them as therapists. All our clients are not women and girls of color. We will work with anyone who feels they need to begin therapy to learn how to live a fulfilling life however our primary goal and focus will always be helping Black women and girls. If you want to learn more, take a look at our website, Transforming Lives Online.org and also my website https://racquelpjoneslcsw.com/ .

Self Care Tips Every Black Woman Needs To Know

Racquel P. Jones, LCSW-R

As a Black woman sometimes it’s hard for us to remember the importance of taking care of ourselves. We’re always giving and taking care of everyone else that we forget about ourselves. Remember self care is an act of self preservation. Here are some tips to help you to take care of yourself as much as you take care of everyone else.

Evaluate your current level of self-care by looking at how often you drink water, eat healthy foods, and move your body. Don’t forget about your emotional and mental health either. Ask yourself how you handle stress. Do you keep going when you know you need to take a break? Do you express your feelings or do you hold everything inside? Do you turn to unhealthy coping strategies or do you reach out for help when you need it? Also remember to identify the people in your life who make your problems worse versus the people who listen to you without judgement?

Try to dedicate one day out of the week as “self-care day.” Saturdays and Sundays usually work best but any day where you can take care of yourself is fine. If you can’t dedicate the entire day to self care, dedicate a few hours.

Make a list of all of the things that feed your spirit and put it in your calendar to do them at least once per month.

Schedule joy breaks throughout your day. Try practicing deep breathing for 2 minutes, listen to a guided meditation for 5 minutes, color in an adult coloring book or dance to your favorite songs.

Learn to say No. Make it a priority to say “no” to requests to your time, energy and resources twice as much as you say yes.

Remember you can’t pour from an empty cup and we need breaks too.

The Myth of The Strong Black Woman

Racquel Jones, LCSW-R

Black women are often portrayed as fighters with sharp tongues who are ready to fight and cuss a man out at all times. Sojourner Truth stated, “plowed and planted and gathered into barns and no man could head us.” Black women are rarely portrayed as soft and gentle and kind and in need of help. This myth that we have to always be strong has been detrimental to our physical and emotional well being. We often neglect our health because we feel we have to take care of everyone else and always be strong. Black women are disproportionately affected by diabetes and hypertension and depression but the idea that we must always be strong keeps many of us from getting the help we need to take care of ourselves. We never get rest because we feel we have to be strong. Our strength also often goes hand in hand with us being perceived as mean, harsh and unfeminine. Black women are often not treated the same way as other women because we are often viewed as unlovable. Unlike other women we’re not often seen as multifaceted, when was the last time you heard the term “Strong White woman” or “Strong Asian Woman”.

It isn’t Black women’s responsibility to end this stereotype however we need to do more to take care of ourselves. Take the time to make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, getting to the doctor and also a therapist if needed. Don’t put everything off until tomorrow because you have to take care of everyone. You can’t take care of anyone if you don’t take care of yourself. Don’t believe the myth that being a strong Black woman means you don’t deserve to get help and you need to be a work horse for everyone.

Ask  A Sister Therapist

Dear Racquel.

In the past I was very promiscuous. I'm involved with someone now and told him about my past and everything seemed ok but recently he keeps asking me questions about other men I've been with, I wish I had never told him anything. How can I help him to see that those other people don't matter.

Jessica W

Hi Jessica,

Thank you for reaching out to me. It's not your responsibility to convince him that you are no longer with anyone else or that you're not interested in anyone else. Maybe you and he would benefit from couples therapy to work out why he feels this way about your past history. Take care.

Best,

Racquel.

Dear Racquel,

I cut my sister out of my life because she's a terrible person who has caused me nothing but pain and misery. My mother doesn't understand why I cut her out of my life and wants me to speak to her, I love my mom but want nothing to do with my sister. I have another sister and brother and we speak but this sister is not someone I want in my life.

Val G

Hi Val,

Thank you for reaching out to me. I'm sorry for the difficulties with your sister. If you feel that she can't be in your life, it's perfectly ok to have nothing to do with her. Your mom probably wants everyone to get along but you can't allow someone who causes you pain and misery into your life. Explain to your mom why you can't have your sister in your life and even if she doesn't agree, remember you have to take care of yourself and do what you can to lead a peaceful life. Take care.

Best

Racquel

If you have a question for Ask a Sister Therapist, feel free to email me at contact@transforminglivesonline.org.  All identifying information will be kept confidential.

Thank you