Crying in the bathroom, what about you?

by Ishita
(Editor’s Note: The writer is using a pseudonym)

Taking care of my declining mental health is like trying to play Jenga with my slippery fingers. You know what makes it harder? A lack of privacy and personal space! I experienced this first-hand, because I didn’t have my own room for the first 20 years of my life. My tower of Jenga blocks was always on the verge of tumbling.

But I’ve had a room for a year now. It hasn’t made my mental health magically better. I still struggle with bouts of sorrow, intrusive thoughts and crippling anxiety. But it’s at least eight times easier to manage it in the familiar and comforting walls of my own space. I want to share what I’ve learnt with you after experiencing both sides.

You could be sharing a room with a family member (or multiple family members lolsob). Or maybe you moved away for work, and are sharing it with a stranger or a friend (because...rent!). Or maybe you’re in a hostel room with a semi-stranger and spend some nights silently crying under the blanket. We’ve all been there. But maybe it doesn’t have to be entirely hopeless. Maybe there’s a way we can still figure it out.

Here are some things that have helped me, and as you read along, I hope you find a version of what works for you too:

1. Work Out A System:
Tell whoever you're living with about your mental struggles. You can choose to what extent you want to open up. You can figure out each other’s triggers and try to avoid them. Understand each other's needs and respect them! Some people want to be listened to when they’re low, and some just want to be left alone. Both are valid ways of dealing with things!

Everytime I did this with someone, it was a learning curve. Some took it as a personal attack and got distant, some were receptive and told me about their own struggles. But without exception, each co-living relationship got easier with time because I decided to have these awkward yet important conversations.

2. Find An Escape:

• Music: Create a playlist to listen to when you’re not doing okay. Drowning out any external sounds and escaping into another world is relieving. You might not have physical space, but music can create its own kinda space.

• Walks: Step out. You can walk in the corridor (like mee!), the building premises, around the city, or at a nearby park.

• Binge!: Watch a TV series or read a book to immerse yourself in a world that's not your own. Schitt’s Creek is my personal favourite la-la-land to get lost into. Detaching myself from my current reality, even if it's just for a couple hours, helps reduce the intensity of my angst.

• Friends: Are there friends who get what you're going through? Can you visit them either outside or at their place? I have friends who let me mope in their comforting company, and I'm all kinds of grateful for it.

4. Cry In The Bathroom: It is definitely sadder than crying on your bed :P. But the bathroom is one place where we can have complete privacy. So use that, and other spaces in your room/home/apartment where you can ground yourself without prying eyes.

5. Lean Into It, Sometimes: You are not alone (even if you kinda wish you were!). It’s not ALWAYS a bad thing to have someone around when you’re feeling meh. It can help to have someone to hug you, hold your hand, or even just offer a polite smile (depending on the level of affection you both share).

If your living situation is not gonna change for a while, just accept it. In India, it can be a sort of a luxury to have a room of your own. You can absolutely still cry, complain and rant about not having one. And you should (to everyone you’re not sharing it with :P).

It is not selfish to crave and want your own space. Prioritise your mental health and set boundaries that will help you. You don’t have to feel any shame while doing this. You’re simply looking out for yourself while dealing with a less-than-ideal living situation. Be kind to yourself. You got this!

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