Buckle up! So much going on!
This weekend is my fiftieth high school reunion. I’m not going because of the Virus that Shall Not be Named. Ironically, after getting my booster vaccine last week, I’m feeling a lot more sanguine about travel. Too late to change my mind now. But in any case, probably because it’s reunion time, I was particularly put off by this LinkedIn post from the guy who founded the Modern Elder Academy:
“You’re Not Hot Anymore, But You’re So Much Warmer.”
A long-time female friend confided in me that she went to her college reunion not long ago and one of her male classmates offered her the observation that serves as today’s post title. She felt mixed about this as she was a true hottie in the day and had staked her identity on turning heads. But now, in later middle age, she’d moved into the land of invisibility, a place where many single 55+ women find themselves. I reminded her that hot doesn’t last forever, but warmth is what we remember.
Beyond our looks and our likes (Facebook) are our laughs and our loves. How we connect and enjoy time with those we cherish. My friend could get some butt or brow surgery, but she’s chosen to invest instead in a deeper form of surgery—a figurative sculpting of her heart. To open one’s heart—at any age—is a courageous and beautiful act, which is exactly how we feel the glowing warmth that our hearts emit.
I think it’s time for us all to get over being hot and start focusing on our inner warmth. As Maya Angelou so eloquently put it (with my thoughts added): “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, people will forget how you LOOKED, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
I found this post cringe-worthy and replied accordingly. For an expert opinion, I also submitted the post to a wonderful service called, “Yo! Is this Ageist?” Moderated by Ashton Applewhite, author of This Chair Rocks, “Yo!” is a place where you can send text for evaluation. Here’s what Ashton had to say:
This post is ageist because it equates sexual attractiveness with youthfulness. The media, popular culture, and fashion & beauty industries reinforce that notion at every turn, and we all internalize it to some degree. But as dating and porn sites attest, plenty of people find older women plenty hot. Consider which of your acquaintances are sexually active. They’re not the youngest, or the thinnest, or the best-looking, They’re the ones who have beaten back the mainstream narrative—which is ageist, sexist, looksist, and misogynist—and who know their lovers are lucky.
Yes, a thousand times yes. Let’s all keep beating back that ageist/sexist narrative! I had to share this with you because I love it so much. I also went back to Chip Conley’s post and shared it with him. And, dear Reader, the next time you encounter content that strikes you as ageist and you’d like validation from an expert, here is where you can send it:
https://yoisthisageist.com/submit
And now for a completely different topic.
I’ve been in communication with Vania de Fuente-Nunez, MD, of the World Health Organization, regarding the Decade of Healthy Aging. Please take a look at the extensive materials the organization is compiling.
Dr. Fuente-Nunez said the organization wants to share stories that illustrate the challenges older persons face. She is hoping that women on the Stella list (that's YOU!) will submit our stories. What a great way to push back on ageism and sexism! I’ve sent in a story about how and why I do what I do. Please consider adding your voice to this chorus. Networking is powerful, and what a platform this initiative provides to get the word out about the vivid lives of older women.
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