I’ve become addicted to sauerkraut.

It tastes like monster munch. Well, the massive jar I eat it from with a fork, in the dead of night, when no one is around, certainly does. That’s probably because it is infused by juniper berries and peppercorns. Like I said, monster munch. I think monster munch is pickled onion flavour. Is it?

Waits a moment for the unsubs.*

This email isn’t going to get any better from here on in.

I have a little bit of news this month. Not much. I’m in the in-between months when nothing is happening. They’ve forgotten to give me the list of what to say. I think they’ve just given up really. There’s a special wonderfulness in knowing I’m crushing my marketing manager's spirit with my randomness.

Let’s see. Have I begged for reviews yet? Have I begged for you wonderful people to put a shout out about me online so more people can learn of my genius? That they may learn the joy of some escapism during a traumatic time in the world? Have I mentioned how I endured a year of trolling which almost made me stop writing? But then you guys said I was good so that helped? Really helped. In private emails, in wonderful honest reviews, in social media posts. Well, all of the above. You guys will never know the difference you make. To me, to my peers. To anyone who has put their work out there for all to see. But mostly me.

So, update on The Outcasts. It's going alright. Pretty good. It's such a monster, but I’ll get there. The reviews help. I’ve gotten into a nice routine and I’m hoping to make my next deadline. These are words I’ve thrown at you because they sound like I’m making progress. I am. When I’m able to be more specific, I promise I will let you know. It’s a good pledge.

Not much else I’m afraid. 

However, when I finally do release The Outcasts, I thought it would be funny to give you wonderful readers an opportunity to have a laugh.

I’m going to put a random acknowledgement into the end of all my books from here on out to someone called… um… Zim-Zam. 

That’s right. Zim-Zam. 

Right now, I’m hungover, and I’ll explain why later, and it’s a hilarious story, but anyway, my hungover mind is suggesting Zim-Zam.

I’m going to say Zim-Zam is an amazing online friend who has been an inspiration to me the last year, blah, blah. Right now, you can turn around to whoever you know, and claim “I’m really close to Robert j Power- we’ve been online friends for years. We have an in-joke. We call each other Zim-Zam. You wouldn’t get it.”

So, you say this crazy shit to someone and leave it to settle. Just leave it there. Right there. Never mention it again. Unless, they ask about further details, you can just say few people know this but he’s addicted to sauerkraut (well this has tied wonderfully together.) Anyway, a few months later, show them the acknowledgements. And be like “Boom, fuken proof right there.” Drop the mic and stroll off like a fuken boss.

Ugh that little moment took so long to write. 

Now, what else do I ramble about? Just so the word count climbs high to an incredibly ill-advised amount and more and more people just disengage.

Sorry guys, I blame the booze. It was a lovely night. I started with Knappogue Castle Whiskey because that’s a special whiskey for me now. Its my favourite and I deserved my favourite whiskey because last night I finished The Outcasts.

That’s right, Zim-Zam. I finished the monster and now, let’s just take a moment to think about those few who skimmed this email, got their Outcast update and headed off. 

It is done. I hit The Fuken End, ahead of schedule. And now I need a holiday. A sleep. A fuken burrito. I wish to speak all in bold and caps right now in excitement, yet I’m playing this concealed game of reveal like a boss. Look at me. Complaining about trolls, and trolling like a legend. Bet that preorder link is looking more appealing right now. Want to know how you can celebrate this event? GO ONLINE AND SPEAK MY NAME!!!!!! TELL THE FUKEN WORLD!!!!!!!!

So, anyway, think I’ll head off now and eat a burrito. That’s right. I already got my burritos as well. It was such an awesome night. Three down. One to go. Burritos and books. It's all the same really. 

The Outcast's heading off to my editors very soon. Expect exciting news in a few months. Especially if you are on my street team and left a review for the Spark series cycle.

Geez Rob, going hard on the old review pushing, aren’t ya?

Yes. Yes I am. I think today I’m allowed to.

Stay safe guys, masks are fuken sexy to me now.

We are nearly there.

Rob. (aka Zim-Zam)