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By: Rabbi Yossi Ives
People are not equally comfortable or confident about dating. The process of dating involves a multitude of actions and steps that can seem confusing to some. While some people take to it naturally and enjoy the experience, others find themselves bewildered or anxious. We shouldn’t assume that we will have all aspects of dating figured out.
Organizing dates
Dates entail a number of elements and steps, such as checking the weather, confirming the venue’s open, and bringing snacks. It’s advisable to find someone who can guide step-by-step in how to stay on top of all those details, especially if logistics isn’t your strong point.
Managing conversation
Not everyone finds it easy to talk about themselves or ask engaging questions. Some find it difficult to come up with topics for discussion, or feel stumped when asked their opinion or thoughts on matters they are not in a habit of speaking about. Best to have a list of questions on hand, so you are not relying on yourself to come up with those on demand. Prepare substantive answers to common questions and practice communicating on relevant matters.
Dating etiquette
Central to dating is making a good impression. It creates the conditions for openness and positivity. In the early stages of dating in particular, small gestures can go a long way, such as opening the door for her, or thanks him at the end of the evening. There are also lots of details that need to be figured out, such as when and how to end a date, how direct or evasive to be around delicate issues. If unsure about such matters, it’s best to get advice.
Generation closeness
Some people find the process of creating connection either confusing or challenging. They may feel afraid of commitment, overwhelmed by the scale of the transformation, or uncomfortable with the sudden closeness. As a result, they may naturally keep their guard up, hesitate to share fully, or be hesitant with kind words. Some people are just not naturals at the touchy-feely stuff, or are not the type to open up about themselves. If you are unsure about how to manage this process, seek wise counsel.
Conclusion
The dating process can feel confusing or overwhelming. Dating requires a combination of practicalities, skills, and etiquette that is quite different to other settings, which may not be easily understood by some people. Don’t be hard on yourself, but do seek guidance.
Please read the full article for a fuller explanation.
To reach the author: Yossi@DateWell.org
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