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Igros: Becoming a Tamim

Igros Kodesh, Vol. VI, p. 72

With regard to your question whether you should see to it [that your daughter, notwithstanding her difficulties in finding a proper shidduch, should] engage in a shidduch only with a Tamim:

I don’t find favor with this exacting attitude. [A shidduch need not necessarily be only with a Tamim] as long as it is possible to transform him into a Tamim — which is to say that the young man is capable of establishing set times for the study of Nigleh [the revealed portion of Torah] and Chassidus, as well as conduct himself in the path of Chassidism and follow Chassidic customs.

When this transpires, it is to be hoped that with proper influence from your daughter and the influence of Anash sheyichyu, he will be transformed into a Tamim.

Eliezer, the 1st Shadchan's Bitul

After Eliezer had encountered Rivka and realized that she was the one he was sent to find, he requested permission from her father and brother that she return with him to marry Yitzchak. His initial statement to them is, “I am a servant of Avraham” (Bereishis 24:34). And indeed, throughout his journey, he is consistently referred to as “the servant.”

By his name not being mentioned, we learn that this was not about Eliezer the person; this was about the mission. Eliezer was so dedicated to Avraham that at no time did his own self-interest get in the way of fulfilling that mission. He was a mere servant—an extension of Avraham’s hand.

And this was central to the mission’s success. Eliezer was faced with the near-impossible task of finding a “rose among thorns” (Vayikra Rabbah 23:1). Had he relied on his own capabilities, he would have had no chance of success. It was his constant awareness that he was nothing more than Avraham’s servant that mapped his path through the every challenge and obstacle that lay before him in setting up the first Shidduch (see Bereishis 24:12). By making himself into nothing more than an extension of Avraham, he had all the power and merit of Avraham behind him.