|
Dec 2022 - Newsletter #006 for Friends of
|
|
|
|
|
Sharing, Collaborating, Evolving, Synergising, Improving!
|
|
|
|
|
Looking back on the year...
Well, what an interesting and learning-filled year we have had. Going from the highs of finding a wonderful opportunity (the property we hoped to purchase in Kamo), to missing out on it at the auction (possibly due to our reluctance to obtain loans/mortgage etc). From the high number of participants in our first Collaboration Skills Course, to the second one in Whangarei being cancelled due to not enough registrants, to travelling the country sharing our course (and it evolves each time as we learn what works, what engages people more, what needs more "easing" into). From really enthusiastic individuals who eagerly absorb and get involved in our course, to others who are stuck in their pain/trauma and can't yet move past it. From people interested in joining, to having one of our members leave.
We have now completed Collaboration Skills Courses in Whangarei, Katikati, and Waikane. We have a bunch booked in for the new year (see further down for dates or check out our website under events tab)
Such an eventful time it has been; wonderful yet scary, productive though at times stalled, it has been emotional, overwhelming, frustrating but also fascinating, entertaining, enjoyable and an intense experiment that I certainly wouldn't have traded for anything else.
We still hope to achieve our Big House dream in the long term, but in the mean-time we will be sharing the skills and resources we have discovered and seeing what we can learn from other communities through visits to well established eco-villages and co-housing communities, reading a variety of books and studies, following social scientists for their discoveries and suggestions, and what we trial and practise also.
We are noticing through our interactions and conversations, that while folks are feeling a pull to work together, to support each other, live closer together, and return somewhat to the old school village lifestyle, there is still a fair amount of fear and caution, creating a requirement for a protective "distance". This highlights to us, the need to work on personal development - look into our baggage (note down what triggers you when you get triggered - what did you feel? What about the situation really bothered you and why? Nonviolent Communication is a great way to navigate this).
Together is certainly the way forward - we can achieve so much more together, collaborating - with our combined experience, unique ideas, and determination to find a solution that works for everyone - we can live a satisfying and fulfilling life. We hope you'll keep with us, and stick with us through the tough stuff, through the uncomfortable parts, to come out with a broader perspective, with an increased tolerance for difficult conversations, and with more compassion for others and the things that they struggle with.
|
|
|
|
|
News from the road: Cohousing Project Visits
In
a year where cohousing has had its ups and downs, it was great to see
both Lotus and Takaka both well advanced in construction.
Sibylle
and Peter dropped in to chat with a group of 8 or so residents at
Lotus Eco-village near Paraparaumu. A lively discussion ensued, and
some great networking connections were made all round. Their project is
about 75% complete and looks really amazing on its site so close
to town and yet surrounded by nature. They are also blessed to have their common house as one of the first buildings completed. They
still have a few units for sale.
Website: www.lotusecovillage.nz
Peter and Sibylle also stopped in to check out the amazing progress that the new
cohousing project in Takaka has made this year. They were given a
quick tour of the building site and had a great discussion about the
challenges and joys of building such community focused and driven
housing projects. Takaka Cohousing have a 15ha large fertile flat
site right on the edge of town, and construction of the first of
three neighbourhoods is very well advanced. Much like Ecovillage at
Ithaca in New York State, they are integrating horticulture, parkland
and forest into their design. They are looking for new members for
stages 2 & 3.
Website: www.takakacohousing.co.nz
We
note that both projects have taken a more expedient approach of
utilising a development team acting on the groups behalf. Given the
lengthy process that tends to occur when using a more group led
approach, and also given the super challenging economic conditions
this year, this strategy appears to have contributed to their
success. All such projects, regardless of their development path,
still have to successfully induct new members, and learn the skills
of working together, now and well into the future.
|
|
|
|
|
The first person to knock on our door!
While Peter and Sibylle were staying in Waikanae and preparing to leave the campsite, a woman knocked on the door of their motorhome. "I think I know you. Are you the people of The Big House Project?" she asked. A lovely talk about our project unfolded. Thank you for the time you spent with us. We will keep our fingers crossed, that others are as courageous as her.
|
|
|
|
|
Upcoming Collaboration Skills Courses / South Island Tour:
After
a frenzy of organisation, we now have firm dates for the new year:
We are in the still planning phase of a Christchurch event in
March, and a Coromandel event in April.
These are our standard format - 3
day Collaboration Skills Course.
We have also developed a two hour
presentation for audiences with less time available, and we will be
offering this to existing community groups as Sibylle and Peter
travel southward.
We will also be offering mini workshops at the
Evolve festival in Nelson.
For more details about all of this, see
the Events tab on our website. And as always if you or your group would
be interested to see a Collab in your area, or you would be keen just
to meet us and chat / compare notes / network, that is something we
always really love.
Reflections on the North Island Workshop tour:
We
managed three Collabs in quick succession throughout the lower north
island this spring. It is always heartening to us, to see groups of
related or unrelated people come together to celebrate community, and
to develop more capacity for forming robust relationships and
communities. We celebrate your interest in this work. The world
clearly needs you and a groundswell of others to come together, to
organize, to build new models so that we can present real working
alternatives to the old
oil-pharma-banking-industrial-extractive-hierarchical model.
With
each Collab course that we do, the course is evolving, becoming more
interactive, more question-focused. This is something we have been
wanting to do, to better accommodate different learning styles, and
walking the talk of loving the power of great question. As always
practice is a great teacher.
Our
other observation is that each of the groups have had relatively high
levels of awareness of the impact of development trauma, but many
people shared that in spite of having tried various therapies over
the years, they still remain somewhat cautious in their willingness
and ability to interact more closely with other people. This seems to
be the singular story of our civilisation. Polyvagal theory yet again
becomes this powerful key to moving forward, and again quite a few
participants noted this in their review reflections.
|
|
|
|
|
Our Youtube channel:
Peter and Sibylle have been working on some video content to share small snippets of our collaboration course, and other useful resources and information we discover that is relevant to personal development, connection, collaboration and living together.
Here's a link to our channel if you'd like to subscribe and check out our first attempts (it's a learning curve so please bear with us as we work it out!)
The Big House Project - YouTube
|
|
|
|
|
Why personal
development?
In case you are wondering,
what does collaboration have to do with the inner work of personal
development? Our answer is this: most of us have this passion and
calling to change the world, to adapt and evolve our society to the
rapidly changing environmental conditions, and not to just stop
damaging, but to actually repair ecologies and communities. We have a yearning for the
world to become a place where all people are safe, and their needs
met. Our view is that the ONLY way that any of this will ever happen
is when we, as small groups, come together to dream up, design and
build prototypes for new and more regenerative ways of doing things.
But; the thing is, as soon
as we come together to collaborate, we tend to bump into the
frictions and our largely unconscious barriers to collaboration. What
then? It's these barriers we have to understand, and each of us
personally is called to engage with a process of inner
transformation. Without this, the projects and initiatives we create,
tend to rather quickly fly apart. This is a lesson we learned
studying and visiting very large and successful ecovillages in
Europe. Their attention to examining the old 'software' narratives
that were installed in us during our formative years, to see which
ones are still useful, and which ones are actually part of the
problem, was the glue that held these projects together.
Beyond allowing us to get
things done together, the process of coming together to actually
connect, is, in itself, deeply satisfying, in a way that improves not
only our emotional health, but also our physical health. So hopefully
this helps to understand why the Collaboration Skills Course starts
with personal development (even if that is uncomfortable for many!).
|
|
|
|
|
Member introduction: Lee Butcher
Originally
from England, I spent most of my life just going with the flow. Life
got interesting for me when
I read the book 'Yes Man' in 2005. Using that resource, and gaining a
visa to New Zealand, I used this
opportunity to change. I told myself to say yes as much as possible, and not hold back. This let me meet
people and go to places I never thought possible.
I
lived in Rotorua for the first 5 years I spent in New Zealand, where I did an
apprenticeship with Chorus. In those 5
years, I travelled to South Africa, Mongolia and China to name a
few. Most of these trips were planned
based on the same conversation:
Friend: "Hey wanna go to .....?"
Me: "Yes"
Friend: "Wanna go next month?"
Me: "Hmmm... Yes!"
In
2011 I met Carol, and moved to Auckland the following year where I continued to climb the
Corporate ladder. By 2014 I was tired of
Auckland and we moved to the UK to do some travelling. We were back
within a year and shifted to Rotorua, then Carol became pregnant. It wasn't long before Carol wanted to get
away from the cold and move (back home) to Northland. Having the dream to be self-sufficient we realised
doing this by ourselves, was too hard.
Since
then, we've been trying to create a community of some sort, either
buying land with friends, or starting
the 'Big House Project'. We also visited a few communities throughout the country
to get an idea of what it takes
to create a successful community. We still have much to learn, but
then my life is more about the journey
then where I end up!
|
|
|
|
|
Our book recommendation this week:
Choosing Peace: New Ways to Communicate to Reduce Stress, Create Connection, and Resolve Conflict; Ike Lasater & John Kinyon (2014)
|
|
|
|
|
Reviewed by Sibylle:
What I enjoyed most about
this book was, that it takes the NVC concept and offers a lot of very
practical techniques. The Nonviolent Communication four steps, we
know are: observation, feelings, needs and requests. But what happens
if one party is staying in the blaming mode and can’t get to their
feelings or needs?
Each step of these
techniques are described in easy-to-understand language using lots of
illustrative examples. This book helps us to step out of our
judgmental, brain focused, thinking mode and connect with our deeper
motivators – our needs.
And instead of starting the
usual blaming/defending dance and trying to convince the other
party of the rightness of the arguments, this book offers techniques
to extinguish the fire. That fire can be calmed down when both
parties get to their needs. Then the creative thinking of finding a
way to meet each persons needs can start.
I was really struck by some
of the practical communication tips in the book that help us move
from looking to the outer world toward finding out what is going
inside us. For example:
- Techniques
to work out pure observations
- Techniques
to separate observations from judgement
Techniques
to distinguish faux feelings (disguised blaming) from real feelings
Techniques
to support others to find their feelings
Techniques
to translate thoughts into feelings
Techniques
to find the needs
Techniques to find
requests and put them in words the others can take
A
quote from the book: “When you have strong feelings, that you do
not express, you will almost always come across as guarded and
defensive. If you are trying hard to hide the fact that you are
feeling hurt, uncertain, afraid or insecure, you will do so from a
place that other people will read as aggressive, arrogant, aloof or
condescending.”
Using the methods outlined, our brain and heart can work together optimally. We stay in an
empathetic and loving state that helps to calm down the arousal of
the autonomic nervous system and brings the parties back to the
corridor of well-being.
|
|
|
|
|
The Documents:
Our founding documents are available online for those who wish to view and/or use them for your own project/s.
So far we have:
Decision Making Process,
Meeting Procedures,
Conflict Management
Procedures,
Spending Policy,
Membership Process, (this one is going back to the drawing board as it seems somewhat irrelevant without a Big House!)
and the Associate Membership
Agreement
Download them here!
|
|
|
|
|
Useful links, videos and good reads:
|
|
|
|
|
