3. How Cherri Made an Ass of Herself
Hey .
Two weeks ago I made an ass of myself in front of colleagues,
To be honest, I’ve probably done it more recently than two weeks ago, but that time was a doozy and I'm just now leaving the shame hangover.
I said something in a way I shouldn’t have said it to a group of people who, in part, cared more about tone than truth. This thing I said would not have even blipped the Doppler in my circle of friends, but in the academic room in which I said it, it was a bit of a kerfuffle.
I don’t regret my honesty, but I do regret speaking in my normal register. If I’ve learned anything in years as an academic, it is that how you say something matters more than what you say, which is a huge load of bullshit, but there we are.
My brassiness or impudence or whatever we’re going to call it (and folks have called it lots of things), is part of who I am. It is part of my working class ethos, my Midwestern sensibility, my feminist steel-toe boots.
What I’ve recently come to understand, though, is that it is also something I wield to deflect the blows of the world.
For a whole host of reasons, this impudent sword I clumsily hold up like a shield is not serving me well, and it’s not helping me serve others.
I’m trying to do better.
I am still a truth seeker and a truth teller, but I’m also someone who wants to do good in the world, and that requires me to grow. I know: #gross.
So, I’m trying to be more humble. I’m trying to have more curiosity.
Although the etymology doesn’t link curiosity and humility together, they seem connected to me, as both suggest room to listen and room grow.
I’m not quite sure what everyday humility looks like in my life. I’m not quite sure how to have more curiosity (especially when I kinda want to vomit thinking about it).
And yet.
I tell students that ignorance is the starting place, not the stopping point. I tell students that ignorance tells them where to work more, and that learning is the process of not knowing or not being good at something. I am not good at these things, but I am breathing and trying to work on them anyway.
How do you practice curiosity in your life? How do you practice humility?
Reply to this email and let me know, or hop over to Instagram to join the conversation.
Your partly cloudy band leader,
Cherri
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