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Micro-Reframe #10
Peak Experiences and Play Dates
Each part of replenish builds on what came before.
Without self fidelity it’s difficult to clearly identify an old story of abandonment. Without the desire to jettison an old story and write a new one, there is no replenishment journey.
We need a well regulated nervous system to access the components of renewal.
And once you have a robust sense of fullness, that is more full than empty, then the new pieces of replenishment unlock.
Those new pieces are peak experiences and play dates, then depth work and therapy.
What is a peak experience?
A 2001 research paper defined a peak experience as a heightened sense of wonder, awe, or ecstasy over the course of an experience.
Simply put, they are transcendental moments of pure joy and elation that stand out from every day experiences .
Maslow found to his disbelief, studying the phenomena across the 60’s, that peak moments could happen in the most mundane of circumstances.
He went on to write: the sacred is in the ordinary.
Other words associated with peak experiences are rapture, epiphany, the numinous.
I'm sure several of have peak experience rushing back as you're listening to this.
Bigger on the Inside
Here's what we know about peak experiences. They:
* have a long half-life in our memory.
* lead to an increase in personal awareness and understanding.
* can serve as a turning point in a person’s life.
* allow people to feel at one with the world
* are often connected to religious, artistic or athletic pursuits.
If we go granular and look at the role of awe and wonder, we can see why peak experience are so profoundly powerful.
Awe
The benefits of awe include:
* slowing the heart rate and deepening breathing. It also aids digestion. Awe is basically a down regulator of the nerves system
* quietens the negative self talk in our head - perhaps because of an absence of self-preoccupation. This is doubly important in a digital world of comparison and shame.
Where do we find awe?
Awe can be found in:
* the present moment and the lives of inspiring people
* through curiosity and novelty
* via interpersonal wonder — seeing the goodness and kindness in others
Where there is slowness and reflection -- there is the possibility for awe to bloom
Personally knowing where and how and with whom you find awe can give you a starting place to intentionally cultivate a relationship with awe.
Peak Experiences as Rapid Refills
If we pull out to the macro, peak experiences are pretty amazing as refills.
You can go from 15% capacity to 100%, or overflowing, in a very short period of time.
I have a theory there is a way to hack peak experience; that if you combine novelty and a shared experience, you’ve got a ripe circumstance for a peak experience.
Which leads us into playdates.
Play Dates for Big People
Calling our paired forays a play date, rather than a social outing, turns our catch ups into something adventurous and magical.
Play date evokes all the benefits of play:
* simplicity
* creativity
* the joy of purposelessness
* and yes, plate dates are fun and relaxing
Play dates are about doing something you enjoy, or trying something new with no real aim or reason other than you want to.
And why the fuck not?
And why not share it with someone.
The Benefits of Play Dates
Doing things with others releases all the feel good hormones — endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin which reduce stress and enhance mood.
People also say, that play dates are prime locations for serendipity, glimmers and glows.
Lastly, play dates embody two of my favourite states (one we recognise from childhood and another that’s more in the grown up realm) — anticipation and savouring.
Anticipation and Savouring
There is a special childlike delight and excitement, looking forward to something (especially if we have trained ourselves out of it because we don’t want to be disappointed).
Additionally in a world where just about everything can have an instant gratification angle.
Savour provides us all the benefits of being in the moment, regardless how much time has passed. It is made up of three parts
* prolonging
* intensifying
* shifting gears.
Choosing to savour a moment takes us back into the positive experience, intensifies it and prolongs the good feelings associated with it.
What’s not to like there?
The Renewal Pay-Off
I know you can probably now count more reasons, than you have fingers, as to why you're committed to replenishment.
If nothing else, the pay off for dedication to the renewal portions of replenish is the ability to enjoy peak experiences and play dates.
May your cups truly runneth over, in the most delectable of ways.
Reflection
1. What new thing would you love to try? Who would you take on a playdate to try it?
2. Write about a peak experience. Include as much granular details as you can, invoking all the seasons and how you felt in the moment (and after).
3. What do you persistently tell yourself you don’t have time for? (Double dare you to go organise a play date to do it!)
Emergency Triage
Biohack #10 Foot Rub
Invite someone over for a foot rub (or foot tub)
If they feel weird letting you touch their feet (or you feel weird being touch) you can offer to just sit side-by-side soaking your feet.
The whole thing can be as simple or as elaborate as you want: shared buckets of warm, beautifully scented water with a fabulous view. Marbles make excellent massage beads if you have them hanging around.
Share a favourite beverage. Music.
Use lovely massage oil if you’re going to massage feet (or the simplicity of coconut oil.)
If you feel the urge to go small, go big. Get lush.
Resmaa Menakem writes about washing and massaging feet:
You may be surprised at what a profound experience this is for some people They may (or may not) melt or swoon or cry. You may be surprised at how few people will agree to it — even though it is almost universally pleasurable and deeply settling.
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