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NOW
What do you say when the two men you love just threw themselves over the rail of a cruise ship and confessed their undying love?
Water drips from Jake’s dark hair into his puppy dog eyes. I want to say something, give him something. But then I look at Kyle whose expression is beaten and bruised. I’ve hurt my husband enough for one day. Maybe even enough for a lifetime.
So I say the only thing that makes sense, because that’s the only way to handle a nonsensical situation.
“Kyle, of course, I want to fight for you,” I say. Jake lowers his head, and I know I’m hurting him. But I can’t stop. “You’re my husband.”
Kyle’s shoulder’s ease as if a weight’s been lifted. “Really?”
“Yes, of course. Can you both just drop the charges so we can all go home?”
They each shift their eyes reluctantly toward the other and share some version of an agreeable nod.
“You guys are good after that shit? Wow!” The officer says removing their cuffs.
My husbands’ wrists fly free. You’d think this would be the moment that Kyle and I would run into each other’s arms and share in a Hollywood movie-ending kiss. But this doesn’t feel like that kind of moment. It just feels like I kissed my ex and my husband went overboard.
Instead, Kyle heads for the ship.
“I don’t think so,” One of the security guards says with his hand up. “You’re not getting back on that boat. You’ve been banned from this cruise line.”
“And what about me?” Jake calls behind us.
“Yeah, you too, buddy.”
“I’ll get our things,” I say to Kyle.
I ask the cruise ship guard who escorted me out here to take me back. I need to get checked off this boat as soon as humanly possible. As we return up the ramp onto the ship, Emily waits near the entrance, tapping her foot with her arms crossed. “What the hell happened?” she demands in a harsh tone.
Nothing good. I glance back recalling the whole thing in my mind. “You don’t want to know.”
“Oh, I already know they got into a fight and flew overboard.”
My eyes widen. “You saw it?”
“No, but I was woken up by some rude cruise staff with the news since Jake and I are sharing a room. So what’s happening now? They’ve been arrested?”
“They were but they dropped the charges against each other.”
Emily’s arms fling in the air. “Are they out of their minds?” These days, it does seem like that. “I know this is all about you! I’ll never understand why they think you’re so great. You know that Kyle and I broke up because of you?”
Yeah, I do.
She takes a menacing step toward me, red-faced. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be in love with someone who’s in love with someone else? Do you know how bad that hurts?”
Then I see something in her eyes. Something that’s difficult to confront. Whatever happened between her and Kyle caused real pain. Pain that feels as fresh as it did when it happened years ago. No doubt this is the pain that both my husbands share. And something I clearly know nothing about.
“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” she says. “I guess you and Kyle deserve each other.” Then the angered, heartbroken woman stomps up the hall toward the elevator. And rightly so. Every time her sandal smacks against the concrete floor, I feel something shift. It’s like I can mentally and emotionally pull back, remove myself from the situation, and see the truth. The truth is that pain, when not dealt with, only causes more pain. No matter what I do now, this whole thing is a total shit-show.
And so I go quiet.
My mind races as I quickly pack our bags in the stateroom. After I officially check myself off the boat, I meet Kyle out on the dock. Jake’s already gone. I’m tempted to ask what happened to him, but based on past experiences, this is not the time to say his name. Kyle takes his suitcase and his silence rivals mine. Not the cold shoulder silence from this morning, but a more reflective, possibly even a little bit shameful silence.
The muteness is steady all through the cab ride, the flight, and the drive back to our house, saying only what’s necessary. When we walk inside, I leave my suitcase near the door and head for the patio.
“I’ll be out back,” I say.
“Okay,” he replies quietly.
I kick off my sandals and sit at the edge of the pool, dipping my feet into the cool water. I glide my legs back and forth while I look out onto the backyard. My eyes trace along the white vinyl fence all the way to the loft over the garage. I wonder what Jake’s doing right now. How is he feeling? I wish I could explain it to him but deep down I know he gets it. I just hope we can let each other go. Eventually.
I stare down at my wedding ring, gazing into the round diamond . . .
THEN
The papers are signed.
I walk out of my attorney’s office and find Kyle standing next to my car with an elaborate bouquet of flowers.
“So?” he asks with a bright smile.
“It’s done. We’re divorced.”
My heart begins to pound the moment the words leave my mouth. True, I never thought I’d be someone’s wife. But I definitely never thought I’d be someone’s ex-wife either. Divorce. It’s such a heavy word, even if I am one husband lighter.
Kyle hands me the flowers and I inhale the strong scent of deeply red roses. “How do you feel?”
Strange. Relieved. Sad. Unsure of the future but glad to be out of it alive. “Good.” I nod in a way that I hope convinces us both. “I feel good.”
“Good,” he says and leans in to kiss me like it’s the end of our third date. “I feel good too.”
It’s not our third date, but it is the third month we’ve been officially dating. It was one of those things that felt like it just happened. Then again, when I look back, it was definitely inevitable. He’d just show up at my door and help me with things around the house, just like when Jake was in Vegas. Only this time, we would commiserate about Jake’s issues together. It was like the worse Jake got, the closer Kyle and I became.
Finally, we had an intervention and Jake agreed to go to rehab. While he was in there, it was like a heaviness had lifted. I felt lighter, freer, despite the mess he’d left for me. Maybe it was because I missed being with a man. Or being with a man who is actually considerate and kind. But I think it was much more than that, because there was one night where Kyle and I practically attacked each other at the mouth and made love for hours. Months, or even years, of sexual tension finally released. It was absolutely what I needed.
After that, it was too difficult to keep away from each other, and I could feel myself falling for him every second. It was the first time since my separation that I actually felt hopeful. That my life wasn’t completely ruined.
About three weeks into our relationship, we confessed the “L” word. He said it first and I’m sure he felt it first. But I felt it too. I’ve had to keep it pretty quiet from my friends and family. Even though they’ve blacklisted Jake, they’re not too keen on me dating his friend either. But I just ignore them. It’s my life after all.
“Let’s go celebrate,” Kyle suggests grinning.
He takes me to this fun little tiki bar on the oceanfront. We sip on mai tais, eat shrimp tacos, and lie on a double lounge chair on the sand beneath a palm tree as the sun begins to set. It’s the perfect way to spend a post-divorce afternoon.
“C’mon let’s go for a walk.” He takes my drink.
“I’ve had a couple of those, so this walk might be more of a stumble,” I say.
He smiles, taking my hand and I feel steady again. We walk right along the shoreline, the warm ocean water sliding up over our feet while our toes sink into the soft sand. The sky matches my mai tai with its mix of orange and yellow hues. We talk about everything and nothing at all while the ocean breeze hits our cheeks.
“Are you happy with me?” he asks.
I look at him, a slightly buzzed grin spreads across my face. “Of course I am.”
“Good, because you make me happy to.”
I slide my arm around his waist, burying my face into the side of his chest as we continue our sunset walk. His heart thumps loudly against his chest, and his T-shirt does little to muffle it. I look up at him and notice his expression is somewhat serious.
Then he stops. “I want to tell you something.” He takes my hands in his. “I love you, Natalie. I’ve loved you for a long time. And I think . . . no, I know we belong together.” He kneels down onto the wet sand.
What’s happening?
I glance around, half expecting a crowd of people to surround us and shout, “Gotcha!”
But there are no other people. There’s only me, him, and . . . a two-carat round cut diamond ring!
Oh, my god. He’s going to—
“Natalie Quinn, will you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?”
I try to breathe in but I can’t. It’s like the air is caught in my throat. My heart and mind race at lightning speed. There are no words. Literally, I’ve forgotten English! My eyes shift back and forth between his blue eyes and the overwhelming diamond. I do love Kyle. But would I be crazy to marry again? Marry my ex-husband’s best friend? Of course, I would! But he’s a good man. I know we’ll have a good life together. And when a man like Kyle gets down on one knee and asks you to marry him, you say . . .“Yes.”
He lights up. “Yes!?”
I nod with tears in my eyes. “Yes! I’ll marry you.”
His hands tremble as he places the ring on my finger. And somehow in the same day, I go from one husband to another.
NOW
The sliding door opens behind me, and Kyle steps out onto the patio. He sits next to me and drags his bare feet in the water.
“Hey,” he says. “What are you thinking about out here?”
I twist my lips. “Nothing. Everything.”
He places his hand on top of mine. “You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think we should just let today be the worst day of our marriage. And then tomorrow, we can start over.”
I let out a long sigh. “I appreciate the sentiment. And I would love that. But I don’t think life works that way.”
“Why not?”
“Because, we tried to do that. We started fresh with each other and we had the best of intentions, but here we are.”
He nods. “What if we move?”
I scoff. “Move where?”
He shrugs. “I dunno. Miami, Tampa. Maybe Pensacola.”
“What? We can’t do that. We have businesses here. We have a life here.” I have too many things holding me here.
“I know, but I can do my business elsewhere and come visit clients a few times a year.”
“That’s great for you, but my business is in West Palm. All of my contacts and referrals are here.”
He nudges me with his shoulder in a lighthearted way. “Natalie, you’re amazing at what you do. You can build a successful business anywhere we go.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don’t think moving is going to solve any of our problems.”
“It might. We’d at least be away from . . . you know.”
“Jake?” I look at Kyle, and his face turns red. “It doesn’t matter if we move to India. Deep down, I still love him. I hate that I do, and I wish I could make it go away but I can’t. No matter how you or I feel about it, he’s still going to be in my life. We have Lily. We have history. You have history with him too.”
Kyle takes his hand back. “I know. You’re right. I thought I could handle it. That maybe your feelings would change. But I almost killed myself today, and him, and for what? A wife who won’t commit?”
“I am committed!”
“I don’t want you to just be true to your promise. I want to be the only one. Maybe that’s asking too much from you.”
I shake my head, slouching my shoulders. “No, it’s not. You deserve that.” The moment the words come out of my mouth I think of what Emily said. She’s still in love with him. A girl knows these things. And it gives me comfort knowing that someone still thinks Kyle’s the only one. “I just don’t think it’s me. I want you to be happy.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“I love you, Kyle. I will always love you. You’ve been amazing to me. But this isn’t fair to either of us. I don’t want to keep dragging you through the mud.”
“So what are you saying?” he asks and I let the moment hang between us because the words are just too difficult to say.
I take in a deep breath. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe this is the worst day of our marriage. Because it’s the last.”
***
“What are you doing here?” Sloan answers the door with a confused stare.
“It’s a really long story,” I walk inside, wheeling my suitcase behind me. Lily lets out a bark and rushes over. I reach down and wrap my arms around her, smelling her familiar scent.
“Hey, I need to tell you something,” she says.
I shake my head. “No, I need to tell you something. I kissed Jake. On the cruise.”
Her jaw drops. “What?”
“Yeah, he showed up with Kyle’s ex-girlfriend.”
“Is that why you’re back early?” she asks.
“Not exactly. When I told Kyle about the kiss, he flipped out and assaulted Jake on the deck, and they both went over the edge.”
“Of the boat?”
“Yes, thank God we were docked. They could’ve died!”
“Is everyone okay because—”
“Physically, yes. Emotionally, who the hell knows? They were both standing there in handcuffs, confessing their love for me. And so of course, I left with Kyle. And we were home for less than an hour before . . . before . . .”
“Before what?” She grabs my shoulders, shaking me.
“Before we broke up!”
“So let me get this straight. You kissed Jake on the boat and then Kyle threw him off the boat and now you’re getting a divorce again?”
I nod. “I know. I’m just glad Jake and Kyle don’t have a third best friend because I don’t think I can go through this again.”
Ding dong.
I whip my head around to the closed door behind me and Lily goes berserk. “Who’s that?”
“That’s what I was trying to tell you.” She moves past me and opens the door.
Jake, in fresh, dry clothes, stands there.
“Jake?” I move toward him.
He hints at a smile. “Quinn, what are you doing here?”
“I came to get Lily.”
“Sloan didn’t tell you I was coming?” he asks.
Sloan folds her arms and glances between the two of us. “I tried. But Natalie just had to catch me up.”
Jake shoots me a look.
“Why don’t I take Lily for a walk and you two can talk.” Sloan grabs the leash and pats her leg. Our dog happily complies, and Sloan shuts the door behind them.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, folding my arms in.
“I came to get Lily so I’d have a chance to see you again soon.”
I think back to when we first met and the ingenious ways he invented to see me. “I thought you said you were going to leave me alone.”
“You didn’t say you were done with me,” he says.
“Isn’t me leaving the island with Kyle the same thing?”
Jake steps closer. “I don’t know. Is it?”
After the conversation I just had with my soon-to-be ex-husband, it clearly isn’t. “You’re very arrogant, you know that?”
“I can be, but I’m not being arrogant now. I’m just . . . ,” he looks deep into my eyes and I can’t even blink, “sure.” He puts his hand over his heart. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be the man I am today.”
“And what man is that?”
“Sober. And a hell of a lot smarter.”
“Smarter, huh? Is that why you’re dating Kyle’s ex?”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, we broke up. Honestly, I think we were only with each other because we were each missing someone else.”
“So was this your big plan? See me again after what happened, and I’d just drop everything and tell you that I love you, that I’m miserable without you, that you’re part of me in such a profound way that no matter what I do or who I’m with, you’ll always be the one for me?” He opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off. “Well, you know what, Jake? You are the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Does that mean you’re done with me?”
I glare at him and the longer I look into his brown eyes the more I know he’s right. We belong together. My expression softens. “No. Because you’re also the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And no matter how hard I try to keep away from you, it’s pretty clear to me now that the universe will always bring us back together. So why fight it? You’re it for me, Jake.”
The love of my life lunges forward and takes my face into his hands, kissing me like he’s been saving it up for years. I breathe him in as our mouths welcome each other back, reunited at last.
“You just made me the happiest man in the world,” he says with his nose touching mine. “This time, I’ll be the husband you deserve. And you deserve everything. I love you, Quinn.”
I smile. “I love you too, baby.”
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