Hudson had no fucking idea why heâd decided to finally kiss Kenna. Absolutely none. It was a gamble heâd been talking himself out of for years. It had always been tomorrow or next week or some other time. But heâd run out of tomorrows with her. He was leaving to do God knew what in God knew where, and the future wasnât a guarantee. That sort of had a way of changing his perspective.
When it came right down to it, he simply hadnât been able to hold back anymore. And from the way Kenna was returning his kiss, her hands tangled in his hair, sheâd been doing some holding back of her own.
Before he could even contemplate what that meant, she clutched his shoulders for leverage, threw her leg across to straddle him, and planted herself right in his lap. Settled directly over the hard-as-steel bulge in his swim trunks that he could hide about as easily as one could hide the Statue of Liberty.Â
âHud,â she breathed, her head tipped to the side like an offering for him. One he readily accepted.
âYeah.â He trailed kisses down the length of her neck, kissing every one of the freckles he knew by heart. God, heâd wanted this for so long. So fucking long. Ever since he could remember, itâd only been Kenna for him. And itâd been hard as hell to go about dating as if she werenât the sole woman he craved. He loved.
And suffering through seeing her with other guys?Â
He growled low in his throat at the thought, and she whimpered in response, pressing harder against him. Heâd thought he knew her inside and out, but he realized now there was an entire part of her he was desperate to become acquainted with. He wanted to know each one of her sounds and what they meant. What made her arch against him. What made her grind down on him. What made her moan low in her throat. He wanted them all.
âHud, whatâre we doinâ?â she asked, breathless.Â
âIf youâre wonderinâ that, I really need to step up my game.â His lips brushed along her neck with every word, and she shuddered in response.Â
The tips of her breasts were tight and puckered, brushing against his bare chest through only the thin material of her bathing suit top. She breathed out a laugh that turned into a moan when he sucked the sensitive skin just below her ear. âYou step it up any more, and Iâll combust right here on your lap.â
The thought of her coming because of him was nearly too much. He throbbed in his swim trunks, his dick begging to be closer to her.Â
He kissed a path back to her mouth, then sucked her bottom lip between his. âThatâs kind of the idea.â
As if she loved the thought as much as he did, she tightened her arms around him and kissed him deep, her tongue slipping between his lips. Their groans mingled between them, the only sound other than the soft lapping of the water against the boat. The fact that they were tucked away into their alcove with no witnesses didnât help Hudsonâs willpower. He wanted to peel her swimsuit from her skin. Wanted to see her out here in the sunlight, her eyes clenched tight and head tossed back as she rode him to orgasm. Even better if she was naked while doing it.
Itâd been too damn long since heâd felt her around him. And itâd been too damn short when it had happened. Itâd been only onceâand as a first for them both, itâd been about as short as a commercial breakâbut itâd stuck in his mind for two years. Had rooted itself there as a reminder of what he could have, if only he tried. Itâd been amazing then, and heâd known it. Knew, also, that it wasnât just because itâd been his first time, but because itâd been with her.
How much different would it be now? Knowing there was no purpose to it, other than because they wanted to. Needed to.Â
And, Christ, did he need.
He dropped his hands to her ass and pressed her forward, guiding the subtle rocking motion she was doing with her hips. As soon as he put that pressure against her, no doubt driving her clit straight against him, she moaned long and deep into his mouth.
âFeel good?â His voice was so gravelly, he barely recognized it as his own.
She answered with another moan, this time pressing her forehead against his, her arms holding him tighter to her. Her eyes were clenched tight, her lips parted, her cheeks bright and flushed. He ached to make her come just like this. Ached to watch her fall apart in his arms.
âTell me what you need, Kenna.â
Her eyes snapped open, her gaze locked with his. âI⊠IâŠâ She bit her lip, her hips still rocking against him. She unwrapped her arms from his shoulders, reached back to grasp his wrists, and brought his hands around to her front.Â
And then she pressed them right against her breasts.
âYou want my hands on you?â He said it more to himself than to her, a note of disbelief in his voice. Jesus, was this really happening? After so long of only having her like this in his dreams and fantasies, he was getting her. He was finally getting her.
And then he was leaving.
Shit. He couldnât have sex with her without first telling her what the future held for them. Hell, he shouldnât have even let it get this far. And he was a little ashamed of himself that he had.Â
Kenna rocked harder against him, her moans deepening anytime he exerted pressure on her breasts.Â
No, he shouldnât have let it get this far before telling her, but he wasnât going to leave her panting. Heâd make sure she was taken care of, and then heâd stop them before anything more could happen. Heâd tell her first.
With the sole goal of getting her off, he put everything he had into kissing her, knowing this may be the last time she allowed it. He had no idea what would happen after he told her everything, but he wasnât going to take this for granted. He memorized the taste of her, the feel of her against him, the fit of her breasts in his palms, the tight pucker of her nipples against his fingertips.Â
He moved one hand back to her ass to guide her harder against him, letting her use the head of his dick to get her exactly where she needed to go. All the while maintaining as much control as he could. He was minutes away from coming in his trunks, but he wouldnât allow himself that pleasure. This needed to be only for Kenna.
âHudâŠâ She panted against his mouth, their lips brushing as she rocked back and forth, back and forth. The rhythm picking up speed and pressure. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, her short nails no doubt leaving crescents in his skin.Â
âYou close?â He could tell she was. Her entire body had gone rigid, her muscles locked. Her grip tightened more with each second that passed, and he knew she was going to shatter any moment.Â
Pressing his hand tighter on her ass, he moved her against him harder, faster. At the same time, he strummed his thumb across her nipple in a rapid movement.
She choked out his name on a sob, her body tightening around him, before she exhaled a moan as she came.Â
For as long as he lived, heâd never forget her exactly as she was now. Breathless. Boneless. Sated. And completely fucking gorgeous.
Once her hips stilled, she dropped her forehead to his shoulder, her hands resting on his sides. Her fast breaths swept down his chest and didnât do anything to assuage the rock hard problem in his trunks.Â
And Kenna noticed.Â
She lifted her head and stared at him, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. âYour turn.â She crept her fingers along his sides until they were low on his stomach, just above the waistband of his shorts.Â
And then they dipped underneath.
He sucked in a breath, wanting nothing more than to let her keep going. He craved it. But he couldnât. Not without giving her the truth first. He wouldnât make that decision for her. If she still wanted him after it was all outâand, Christ, he hoped she still wanted himâŠin every way possibleâheâd give her anything she asked for.Â
With a groan, he grabbed her wrists and halted her questing fingers. âKenna. Wait.â
âWhat? Why? Youâre still hard.â To punctuate that, she rocked forward, tugging a choked moan from his throat. âLet meâŠâ
It would be so easy to give in. So easy to let her coax his hands away with her hot-as-sin body rocking against him, her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth.Â
But heâd hate himself for it. Kenna deserved better than that. She deserved the truth.
âNot now.â When he saw the pained look in her eyes, he quickly clarified, âNot yet.â He reached up and brushed back the few strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail. Trailed his fingers down the curve of her jaw, down her neck. He could spend days mapping her body with his fingers and it still wouldnât be enough time.Â
He could spend eternity with her and it wouldnât be enough time.Â
âWhat is it?â she asked, her eyes darting between his.
He met her gaze. Swallowed down his nerves. He ran his thumbs over the back of her hands, whether to soothe her or himself, he wasnât sure.
Unable to stall anymore, he took a deep breath and said, âWe need to talk.â
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