|
A little creativity can easily prompt people to do what you would like them to do.
A friend was visiting us with his wife and four-year-old son. As they were about to leave, the four-year-old jumped onto the driver’s seat of the van. His mother mentioned what a challenge young Adam was becoming and said that trying to get him out of the driver’s seat would be a real chore.
I suggested to her that every time she tried to make him do something or stop doing something, he would resist and that her most successful approach would be one that does not involve coercion.
I mentioned that every time she TELLS him to do something, he will interpret it as an attempt to control him and that she will be creating a challenge for herself. Sharing (rather than telling), asking a reflective question, or challenging him are options that are more effective.
To demonstrate the third alternative, as my wife was standing next to us, I leaned toward Adam who was by then playing with the steering wheel and said, “My wife and I have just made a bet. She said it would take you two minutes to get into the back seat and buckle your seat belt. I told her that I bet you could do it in one minute.”
Little Adam jumped out of the driver’s seat and almost knocked my wife over as he ran around the van, climbed into his seat, and buckled his seat belt.
I told him how surprised and amazed I was that he could do it—and even in less time than I thought he could.
The youngster knew where to sit. Having him demonstrate responsible behavior merely took some creativity on my part, namely, “What could I say or do to prompt him— something that he would not interpret as being coercive?”
Another such experience occurred a few years ago when the back seats of airplanes had telephones. I was seated next to a four-year-old. During the flight, he reached for the phone and started to play with it. His mother was sitting by the window and she had shared with me some of the challenges she was having with her son.
After the youngster had the phone in hand and started playing with it, I asked myself, "What could I say that would be positive (or at least not negative), would offer him a choice, and would prompt him to reflect?"
I turned to him and said, "What would happen if you break that?" He immediately replaced the phone in its holder.
There was no doubt in my mind that if his mother had TOLD him to put the phone back where it belonged, she would have had a challenge.
Using some creativity is not difficult when you start asking yourself how you can communicate so that the other person does not feel coerced.
|
