Last week ninety-six rolls of toilet paper showed up on my front steps, and it really threw off my game. Right now you might be thinking that you routinely buy 36 or 48 rolls of toilet paper at once, so how much could 96 rolls really be? It's not THAT much more, right?
Please believe me when I say: you cannot prepare yourself for 96 rolls of toilet paper.
In my defense, I was expecting half that (and finding storage space for those was already going to be a struggle). Apparently my toilet paper subscription--yes, I’m the kind of person who has a toilet paper subscription, and usually it's amazing--sent an extra box, and now my house belongs to the toilet paper.
First, some background: I live in Los Angeles, in a two-bedroom condo, because space is at a premium around here. In this house, which is maybe 1100 feet, we have (in descending age order):
Mr. Noir, gentleman about town*, 39
Roxie Noir, authoress, 38
Sinbad, unemployed, 17
Zelda, pugilist, 14
Young Noir, chaotic presence, 5 1/2 (the 1/2 is important, I am assured)
Two of those are cats, but still, it doesn’t leave a lot of room for ninety-six rolls of toilet paper. Of the 1100 or so square feet in my house, I think 1095 are now taken up by toilet paper.
*On second thought, I’m not totally sure what this means, so hopefully I didn’t just call him slutty or something. (Nothing wrong with being slutty! Just, you know, he’s not.)
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