This is an excerpt from the non-fiction book I'm working on called Bouncing Back Stronger.
I poured the huge bottle of MiroLax into the pitcher of orange Gatorade. I can’t remember the last time I willingly drank this syrupy sweet liquid.
Maybe never.
It took me ten minutes to choke down half the mixture.
“You might want to park yourself right next to the bathroom,” my husband said.
I nodded and ignored, continuing to putter around the house doing laundry, taking the dog out, and checking work emails.
“This isn’t so bad,” I said to myself. “Why does everyone complain about this part?”
Some of you are smiling (maybe even laughing).
Hours later, there were soiled clothes draped all over the bathroom, and I was stationed on our bed steps from it. I stayed there until we drove to the Einstein Gastroenterology Center the next morning for my first colonoscopy (it was all clear – literally).
If I’d only accepted what was happening to me, it would have been so much easier.
But that’s not how we’re wired.
My youngest daughter is home from college and one of the ways we connect is to watch Star Trek shows together. Our favorite nemesis on the show is the Borg. Their catch phrase?
Resistance is futile.
Just typing it makes me shiver.
But it’s true.
Resistance prevents us from adjusting to what's happening. And it traps us in our worst moments - leaving us to relive them over and over.
These feelings of helplessness get stuck in our minds and bodies. And when we’re faced with similar situations or memories of the original event, we fall into a trance of fear, overreaction, and depression.
Want to get out of this cycle?
Let it go. Stop resisting. Feel the feelings and let them wash over your body. If the event is particularly hard to let go of, seek therapy, grief groups, and holistic support (Reiki, EFT, acupuncture, etc.) but move through the feelings.
Because getting stuck in resistance makes us feel like victims.
I know this from experience. I’ve been there. I’ve had my life dangling at the end of the thinnest piece of yarn over a chasm echoing like the Grand Canyon. After multiple difficulties I had it spinning perfectly clockwise, but somehow, it reversed motion and began to spin completely out of control.
Eventually, I caught my breath, stopped saying “I’m fine,” and let all the feelings sink into and over me. I asked for help, and eventually realized difficult things happen, sometimes over and over again - even if you meditate daily, hydrate, do tree pose with your eyes shut, and own enough crystals to balance the chakras of every single person at Knoebels on Memorial Day weekend.
Bad things happen (especially when you’re still calling them “bad”).
And if you’re lucky, the people you’ve asked for help, that you’ve detailed every miserable, messy, musty emotion to, will say two words that change everything.
“Of course, you feel that way.”
Of course.
The two most beautiful words in the English language.
Why?
Because they let us off the hook. They provide space for us to accept what is happening rather than resisting. They take us from the cesspool of victimhood to the land of victory.
They unlock the door to profound healing.
Because, of course, suffering is an inherent part of human existence.
One of my favorite stories about the Buddha involves a woman who comes to him carrying her dead son. She is understandably devastated. She begs the Buddha to bring him back to life. After he caring and empathetic with her, he asks she go to all the houses in the village and bring a mustard seed from every house that has not had suffering. And when she does, he will bring her son back to life.
Does she come back with any seeds?
No. Every house she visits has also experienced loss. She returns to the Buddha with this knowledge - and the willingness to heal. And the Buddha helps her do just that.
By accepting suffering as a given, and something everyone faces, we begin to understand its causes and look for ways to integrate the experiences – and learn from them.
These trials may actually be gifts.
Can you look back and see such events in your life? Times when you were sure you would never survive? Turning points that changed everything for you?
Write them down. Memorize them for future use- as reminders that you have overcome difficult times – and are better for it.
We are not victims of our lives, life happens for us.
We rarely evolve when life is good. Typically, it takes a loss for us to examine our lives and seek ways to improve it.
Because we finally realize how little time we have.
And with that in mind, we grow. We stretch beyond our comfort zones. We leave victimhood behind and pursue the land of victory. We move forward into a new phase of our life and align with our purpose.
Make the contributions we were put on this earth to do.
Which is the next part of the Bouncing Back Stronger process.
More on that next month.
Hope this is helpful.
Namaste,
Donna
P.S. Please let me know if this was helpful - and share how you are doing. I love hearing from you.
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