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By: Rabbi Yossi Ives
Many people struggle with dating and aren’t sure why. DateWell created “That’s so me!”, a lighthearted and engaging way to uncover what’s really going on beneath the surface of your shidduch journey. It features twenty characters, each reflecting a different personality and dating experience.
The goal is to help people better understand themselves and their dating, and to share the insights and tools that will enable people to succeed on their shidduch journey.
Chaim has been dating for a couple of years and has had a number of shidduchim. Quite a few went on for a while, and looked for a time to have real potential. In the end, though, Chaim felt unable to continue. Most of the shidduchim ended because Chaim felt stressed, uneasy, and very stuck. But why after so many promising starts did things fall down?
Chaim went onto DateWell’s “That’s so me!” hoping to get some insight. At first, he came across Anxious Abigail and found parts of her story familiar—the stress, the emotional drain, the sense of overwhelm. “Maybe that’s me,” he thought. “I do get really anxious when I date.” But something didn’t sit right. “I’m not usually an anxious person,” he realized. While some of it resonated, it didn’t quite capture the full picture—so he kept looking.
Chaim was drawn to Commitment-Phobic Connie. “That sounds a lot like me,” he thought. “Dating feels easier at the beginning, but I tend to pull away after a few dates. Maybe this is me?” he wondered. But again, he wasn’t sure, as he didn’t experience the kind of panic that often comes with this type, nor the typical strong sense that something was wrong.
When Chaim met Indecisive Izzy, the penny dropped. “That’s so spot on—it describes me to a tee,” he said. “I get stuck for no clear reason. I make endless pros and cons lists, talk everything through with people… and still don’t move forward.” What really hit home was the part about how the indecisive type sometimes sabotages the relationship just to avoid making a decision—and then feels relief when it ends. “That’s exactly what’s happened to me so many times,” Chaim realized.
That realization brought a wave of relief. “Clearly, I’m not the only one experiencing this,” Chaim said. He felt seen and understood. “It seems what I’ve been going through is a real thing.”
Encouraged by the clarity, Chaim clicked through to explore more. He found helpful content that explained how indecision can show up in dating, along with some initial tools for moving past the constant paralysis. Inspired by this new insight, he sought advice from a coach about how to avoid his indecision from calling the shots.
There are currently 20 “so-me” characters, covering the vast majority of people who are prone to getting stuck in shidduchim. Check out Ambivalent Avram, Complex Kayla, Guarded Gavi, and the other types, and see if you find yourself exclaiming: “That’s so me!”
https://datewell.org/so-me/
To reach the author: Yossi@DateWell.org
To read the article online: https://datewell.org/bond/overthinking-doesnt-lead-to-better-choices/
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