A quick and simple way to find out if your B2B copy sucks

Let's play Bingo, shall we? Crappy Copy Bingo.

Open your website and start reading crossing off the words on the chart below if you find them on your page.

Crappy copy bingo

It's not your ordinary bingo, though.

First off, if you win, you lose.

Secondly, forget 5 in a row. The moment you found 3+ words from that chart in any order on one page, it's BINGO.

Why those words? Glad you asked ūüĎá

Empty claims with no proof:

  • best of breed (and its twin brother "best in class")
  • top-notch
  • cutting-edge
  • reinvent
  • groundbreaking
  • successful execution
  • disrupt

Unnatural language:

  • methodology (what happened to "method" or "way"?)
  • successful execution
  • delivers (unless you're DHL and it means a physical delivery of goods)

Things your customers don't give a damn about in 99% of the cases:

  • our mission
  • our philosophy
  • we believe
  • award-winning

Things your prospects can't imagine, because they:

...are vague / meaningless:

  • digital experience
  • ultimate
  • comprehensive
  • innovative

...mean different things to different people:

  • providing value
  • a range of
  • positive impact
  • success
  • solution
  • customer experience
  • engage(d) customers

What to say instead?

The general idea is this:

  • Don't mention things your prospects don't care about
  • Make sure every sentence sounds natural, like something you'd say to a prospect during a face-to-face conversation, i.e.without reading it from a piece of paper or a PowerPoint slide
  • Use ultra-specific phrasing that paints a clear picture in your prospects' head

A couple of examples

Example #1

‚ĚƬ†Timely and comprehensive client billing helps improve revenue management and cash flow which can translate to positive impact to the bottom line.

OMG my brain hurts!

‚úĒÔłŹ¬†Automate quarterly billing, generate error-free reports and submit files to your custodians with just a couple of clicks. Get paid faster and never under-report your fees again.

Example #2

‚ĚƬ†Comprehensive best-of-breed restaurant management solution that improves customer experience.

"Man, I wish I had a comprehensive best-of-breed... solution that improves customer experience!", said no prospect ever.

‚úĒÔłŹ¬†All-in-one restaurant management software:¬†Automate customer orders, track inventory, collect and analyze customer and location data to keep your restaurants profitable and your guests happy.

As you can see, you won't get rid of crappy copy if you just substitute one word for another.

You'd need to completely rewrite the sentences to remove irrelevant info, add things your prospects care about and make sure you use natural language.

It does sound like a complicated task, doesn't it?

Here's a shortcut to substituting your subpar texts with to-the-point copy that resonates and converts: let me write it for you.  

*** In other news ***

Have you seen my video website tips? For example, this one where I tell you why you should NOT welcome your visitors to your website (yes, really).

Check it out. It's just 3 minutes ūüĎá

Video

***

This would be it from me for the week.

Warm greetings from Germany,

Gill

Website reviews | Copywriting | Pick my brain

P.S. This email may contain typos, and I'm fine with them because cloning humans is, unfortunately, still impossible. Spending more time proofreading my emails would mean I'll have to share fewer tips with you. And sharing more and better tips is more important to me than sharing tips that are grammatically perfect. I hope that's fine with you, too.

Gill Andrews

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