Grump's Ground Rules for Mortals and other Non-Aggregates
I'm considering writing a story featuring--you guessed it!--a gargoyle as the main character. In order to make this character believable, though, I feel that I need to do some research, and so naturally I am coming straight to the source--a real, live, gargoyle. I mean, I think you're alive. You're alive, right? Well, of course you are, otherwise how could you answer questions like this? Silly me.
So, I do have a gargoyle friend of my own, although he's always engrossed in a book and not a whole lot of help with my current dilemma. As you can see from the attached picture, I tried to lighten up his mood a bit for the holidays, but I'm not sure he liked it. In fact, he just didn't say anything about it at all. Thus, here is my question for you. What do gargoyles like and/or dislike? Are there certain gargoyle traits I should know about in order to write a convincing gargoyle character? All right, that's two questions, but we're not counting, are we?
Hoping to write a chip off the old block,
Well, I can tell that you’re as sharp as a freshly forged chisel! I’ve often wondered why we don’t have more stories about gargoyles, we’re all about charm and grace, well maybe not my cousin Elmer. They carved the poor thing cross-eyed and with two left feet..
Where was I? Oh yes, the world missing out on convincing gargoyles.
What you need to understand is that gargoyles aren’t much different from soft-skinned humans. Sure, we’re better looking with our noble visages, powerful wings, and strong talons, but that’s just what you see. What you don’t see is that we have the same hopes and dreams as most mortals, in that we want to belong to something bigger than ourselves.
Popular culture often shows us gargoyles as mean or grumpy. You spend a century or two out in the weather with lichen growing on your butt and see how you feel, but you need to put it in context. Chances are you’ve never seen a young gargoyle, all the ones you’ve heard of have been around for centuries, and that can jade us. Not much different from an aging author I know.
So, when you’re scratching in your little notebook and crafting your make-believe gargoyle character and undoubtedly making him grumpy, keep in mind that they’ve likely seen countless friends and companions pass away while they have endured. A little thing like that can make the best of us cranky.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time I go visit the graves of some companions who are no longer around.
P.S. I think I recognize your gargoyle friend. If memory serves, he has a massive fine at the Bodleian Library in Oxford for overdue books. Someone might want to take care of that before there’s a knock on your door.
If YOU have a question for Grump, email email@example.com with "Dear Grump" in the subject line.