Tommy was at the airport going through Customs. The Customs Officer stops him and asks, “What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders?”
Tommy replies, “Just a lot of old mobile phones.”
The Customs Officer looks confused. “Why so many mobile phones?”
“Well, on my travels I got a call from my old mate, Jimmy. He told me he was starting a jazz band,” Tommy says. “I was impressed and asked if there was anything I could do to help. He said, ‘Can you bring me back two sacks of phones?’ and here I am…”
Did you hear about the perfectionist who walked into a bar?
It wasn't set high enough.
Dad: What's the lion and the witch doing in your wardrobe? Son: It's Narnia business.
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”
The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”
“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said.
“I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the seaside today."
A snail goes to buy a car. The salesman is surprised when the snail picks out a fast, expensive sports car. He’s even more surprised when the snail requires that a big red “S” be painted on both sides.
“Why would you want such a thing?” asked the salesman.
The snail replied, “I want people to say, ‘Look at that S car go!’”
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip.
After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night.
At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"Watson said, "I see millions of stars."Holmes asks, "And, what does that tell you?"Watson replies, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant.
Horologically, it tells me that it's about 3 AM.
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"Holmes retorts, "Someone stole our tent."
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