I hated it. Okay, maybe not hated, but I certainly wasn’t comfortable with it. At all. I also didn’t have anything for the On Repeat and Binge Jesus sections. I considered different songs for On Repeat, but nothing quite fit. I sat. Waited. Stood. God? Are you here? Lay down. Sat again. Played music. God? Played some more music. Instead of the usual calm, all I got was restlessness and regret. I then started to question whether I was letting myself get in the way. On the surface of it, it wasn’t a bad letter, yes? Perhaps I didn’t like it because I was looking at it with human eyes and comparing with my previous letters. What if there was someone that needed to read it, but I didn’t send it, thereby depriving them?
I decided to send it Ugo and ask what he thought.
"Oh you missed a comma here, this word is repeated there."
"Yes, yes I haven’t edited yet; but what do you think of it? The substance of it?"
"Well, it’s nice but it isn’t quite like the others"
So it wasn't just me.
"I think so too. I’m considering not sending it at all but what if there’s someone that needs it?"
"Have you prayed?"
"I think you should do so. As soon as you get off this call, just ask God whether to send it or not and then do whatever He says."
So I did.
Should I send this, Lord?
Instantly, the restlessness ceased, and calm returned.
I’m so sorry, Lord. I took for granted that you would always speak, and left it till the last minute for no good reason. I’m sorry. So many platforms and vessels in this world, yet you granted me this privilege and barely 6 weeks in, I’m already taking it for granted.
“Well. Isn’t it better that it happens now, when it’s still early?”
I guess it is. I’m really sorry.
"I know you are. I’m not mad at you."
Okay. So asking me not to send it is you trying to teach me about consequences, yes?
“I decided to help you, by removing the reward at the end. Last week when you put off our Thursday appointment, I still gave you something when you came on Saturday; your procrastination resulted in a reward. It’s why you came even later this week. So, I decided to help you, by removing the reward.”
Wait, hold up! Wow. This means you knew about the subject of letter 6 before I even…? And you decided to use my procrastinating to reinforce... But how did you even know I would…?
“How did I know?”
Lol! Alright, alright. You're legit the coolest sha. Thank you.